Maybe change isn't bad - Payton Moormeier

thirty-five

(one moth later)
"C'mon you have to excited. It's almost your birthday you've always loved your birthday" Esther says. I'm in my room on facetime with her while the girls are out.

"I loved it because I could drink and get high with you guys but now I'm stuck here" I say

"Its not that bad is it. Drink with everyone their" she suggests. It sounds good but I know I shouldn't

"I can't. My mum thinks I haven't drunk since I saw my dad" I say "I'm only a month sober"

"You'll still have fun. I promise" She says

How am I supposed to have fun when I birthday is three days after valentines day and on valentines day I have all lessons with my ex. Don't get me wrong we're friends and all but I'm trying to convince myself that I don't need him anymore and I'm over him. Its not working, I'm just lying to myself.

I finish the facetime call to Esther and carry on watching the tv show I was watching before she called. I get hungry so I go see what's in the kitchen. I start making food and everyone comes back, I go back to my room and eat my food. Once I'm done I put my stuff in the kitchen and join everyone in the living room.

"Are you going" Liv asks as I sit down

"Going where" I ask

"Prom" she says in a duh tone

"I don't know, probably not" I say and go on my phone

"What do you mean probably not, you have to go" Maddie says

"I always planned on going but then I came here and things changed" I say

"What was you going to go back home" Liam asks

"Well me and my friends would defiantly be banned so we could crash it, we would bring alcohol and probably a joint or two and get high in the bathrooms. At some point we would get caught and thrown out and go to the park" I say

"Sounds like fun" Payton says "I'm guessing Esther organised most of it"

"No I did" I say "You guys forget that I used to worse than her" I say

"You can still have fun here. I'm not taking no as an answer, your going to prom" She says and I roll my eyes.

They order dinner and I don't get anything. They boys leave pretty late and I'm tiered so I go straight to bed. I fall asleep watching tv.

(Valentines day)
I woke up and got dressed then did my usual natural make up. I went to the kitchen and got myself breakfast and sat in the living room and ate. The girls came out not long after I had finished. I went back to my room and got everything I needed for the day. I walked out and there was a knock at the door so I went and opened it and it was the boys.

"Happy valentines day to you lovely ladies" Liam says as he walks in

"Right back at ya" I say sarcastically

"Someone not in a good mood today" Jordan says

"You could say that" I say.

I just want today to be over. Its a constant reminder that I could happily be with Payton now if I just forgave him and we got back together. For some reason somethings stopping me from getting back with him, its not that I don't trust him because I do. I just don't know what it is.

Everyone has their own conversations about whatever while I get distracted by my thoughts. I soon get snap backed into reality when its time to leave. Me and Payton have English first today for two hours. We walk with the others until they go to their lessons. The rest of the walk was silent.