Maybe change isn't bad - Payton Moormeier

twenty-three

I wake up in Paytons arms again and I have a banning headache. I get out of bed and go downstairs, I get a glass of water and some pain killers. I into the living room and it looks like Esther, Ava and my mum are all waiting for me.

"Awww baby come here" Esther says engulfing me in a hug

"Excuse me but that's my baby" Payton says in his morning voice also giving me a hug

"Actually that was once my baby" my mum says and we laugh as they let go of me "How are you" she asks as I sit down

"I have a hangover for the first time" I say "What happened last night" I ask and they tell me everything I dont remember. "Thank you for taking care of me" I say to Payton

"No problem" he says giving me a smile

"Sorry that I drank" I say to my mum

"It's ok, I understand" She says also giving me a smile

"I wish I didn't, I was five months sober and now its all gone" I say

"Its ok you'll get their again" Ava says

My mum decided to cook us breakfast. Once I've eaten I go have a shower and get ready, Payton has one after me. We go meet everyone at the park and I tell them everything.

"Guys I don't want to come back" I say "I want to stay at boarding school"

"What why" Kai says

"Did you hear a word she just said about her dad" Jamie says

"I decided after I went back after thanksgiving. I want to stay on track with everything. Now with my dad back I really don't want to be here" I say

"It's ok we understand, just do what's best for you" Esther says

We stay at the park for a few hours before we all go home.

The next day I'm in my room and don't talk to anyone. I try to watch tv but get distracted by my thoughts. Memories of what my dad did come flooding back, all the nights alone in this room. I want to drink my problems away but I don't.

"Hey can you come over" I ask into the phone

"Sure" they say and I hang up.

I continue to watch tv and think about everything. About half an hour later Kai walks into my room. He sits next to me and gives me a hug.

"What's wrong" he asks

"I can't do it. I just want to drink all my problems and feelings away" I say

"I know that you want to but its not what's best for you. Remember why you wanted to stop" he says

"I know. I don't know if I want to break down and cry or break something out of anger" I say.

We continue to talk about my problems to get them off my mind. We draw some stuff and listen to music so I can clear my mind.

"Thank you for everything" I say

"It was no problem" he says

"I mean it, I know you have stuff going on as well so thank you" I say

"I'd do anything for you Kaden" he says. He looks me in the eyes and starts leaning in. Before I knew it he kissed me and I kissed him back. As soon as I did I pushed him off me.

"Kai I can't, I'm with Payton" I say

"I know" he says

"Then why did you kiss me" I ask

"why did you kiss back" he says and I have no answer. I dont know why I did.

"Get out" I say and he leaves.

I sit in my room and think of what to do. I text Esther telling her to meet me at the park. I get in my car and drive their. I tell her to come to my car but I see she's with Payton. Esther gets in the front with me and Payton sits in the back. I turn to face him.

"I need to talk to Esther...about girl things" I say to him.

"Ok I'm gonna go, I'll see you in the park" he says getting out the car and I face Esther

"Your not pregnant are you" she says

"What no, We've only been dating for what a week" I say "Its something worse"

"Oh no what did you do" she asks

"Well I was feeling shit so I called Kai and he came round and we talked it all out and one thing led to another and he kissed me" I say in a rush

"Ok well at least he kissed you" she says

"And I kissed back. I dint mean to but I-" I start

"-What do you mean you didn't mean to. You dont accidently just kiss someone back, there has to be a reason" she says cutting me off

"I don't know. I guess I was seeing if there were still any feelings" I say "What do I do" I ask

"You tell Payton, it's the right thing to do. He needs to know" she says

"No, I can't. He'll leave me, I like him too much to lose him" I say and she give me the 'do the right thing look' "Fine, lets go" I say

We get out of the car and go to the park. I walk over to Payton who is sitting on the swing, I sit next to him and Esther sits on the floor. No one says anything but Esther keeps on looking at me.

"Go then" I say to her and she goes somewhere else "I need to talk to you" I say facing Payton

"Ok then" he says in a suspicious tone

"Well I need to tell you something" I say looking away from him "Please don't get mad, or upset, I didn't mean it I swear. Just please don't leave me"

"Kaden what did you do" he asks

"Earlier Kai came round and he kissed me and I kissed back. I didn't mean to, I really didn't. I guess I was seeing if their were any feelings left" I half rush and I can see his face drop

"Are there" he asks in a low voice

"No, none. I don't like him, I like you and only you" I say "please don't leave me, I can't lose you" I say starting to get worked up

"It's ok, I get it you two have history and theirs nothing I can do about that. I trust you when you say theirs nothing their but it won't happen again" he says more like a question

"Never, I promise. Are you mad" I ask

"Not really, I know your feelings are all over the place at the moment. I'm just happy you told me sooner rather than later" he says

"Me too, I dont know what I would do without you" I say

"Are you done yet" we hear Esther shout

"Yeah" we shout back

Esther comes over and sits on the floor, soon the others come. Its a little awkward between Kai and Payton. The others get high but I decide to sit this one out.