Not Without You: Book 1 (Canon-Divergence Stucky Fix-it-Fic)

Twenty-Seven

Beep... beep... beep...

Slowly, Steve's eyes fluttered open. On guard for a moment as he looked over the sterile hospital room, then remembering that he was safe. Turning his head, he found the chair Bucky had been sleeping in, empty. The corners of his lips tugged downward in a frown; not ready for Bucky to leave his side just yet.

"He's checking on the goats."

Turning his head to the other side, his bad side, he found Sam. Nonchalantly, he sipped on a cup of hospital coffee and flipped through a waiting room magazine. Almost instantly, Steve's lips ticked upward as he teased, "So, you're stuck on babysitting duty?"

"Considering what you did when you weren't being watched?" Sam quirked a brow his way, "Yes."

Steve nodded, the side of his neck still sore from the aftermath of the stones. Which reminded him that he needed to return the stones. Glancing down at his arm, he noticed that the dressings had recently been changed. For a moment, he thought about ripping at it, so he could check on his progress. But he knew that Bucky wouldn't be happy with him for not listening to the doctor's orders.

Hence the babysitter.

"You want me to put the TV on?" Sam asked, setting his coffee down on the tray beside Steve's hospital bed. Stretching his arms high above his head, Sam suggested, "Might take your mind off it."

"I don't know about that," Steve scoffed. Easing back into the bed, he agreed, "Sure. Why not."

"Good," Sam gleefully answered, pulling up a holograph screen as he admitted, "A new episode of Sanctuary."

Steve quirked a brow, and without even looking at him, Sam defended, "They were having a marathon when you were in surgery, and I got hooked."

Holding his left hand up in surrender, Steve assured, "Wasn't gonna say anything."

"Uh huh," Sam sarcastically replied, "I'm so sure."

Steve grinned, having missed one of his best friends. Relieved that he had him back. His mind tried to keep him on this happy train of thought, while his heart reminded him that he had lost another. Natasha had deserved better. A better childhood. Better friends. Better life. Just... better.

I wonder if arrangements have been made, Steve couldn't help but think. His heart clenched and tears sprouted at the corner of his eyes.

"You okay?"

Taking in an uneven breath, Steve nodded. Even with the tears rolling over his cheeks, Steve lied, "Fine."

"I can get someone to contact Bucky," Sam offered, gesturing towards the door.

Although Steve knew Bucky wouldn't buy any of his bullshit, he did want Bucky there with him. It had been too long without him and he wanted him there. Of course, Steve always wanted Bucky there.

Thankfully, Sam didn't waste any time as he stood from his seat and exited the hospital room to find a nurse. Alone for a moment, Steve allowed himself to grieve in private. Bringing his hand up to his face and covering his eyes as he silently sobbed. The emotional pain hurt more than the physical, throbbing pain of his arm. But that was how it always seemed to go.

A knock interrupted his moment. Quickly, he thickly swallowed the emotion and removed his hand from his wet face. Once he saw Bucky standing there looking entirely consumed in his concern, Steve's lower lip quivered. Never able to hide his feelings from the love of his life for long, Steve didn't even try to hide it in that moment. Instead, just let the tears fall and the hiccuping breaths nearly cause him to hyperventilate.

"Oh, sweetheart," Bucky soothed, climbing into the bed beside him while tenderly directing Steve's face into his chest. As soon as he was smooshed against Bucky's pec, the tears rained down, staining the soft material of his shirt with their saltiness. Smoothing Steve's hair away from his face, he comforted, "I'm here. I'm here now."

"Whatever... it... takes..." Steve sniffled, "That was... what we... said."

For a moment, Bucky just sat there, holding Steve. With his mouth close to Steve's ear, he asked, "Nattie?" Steve nodded his confirmation and Bucky's lips brushed against his skin as he said, "She did it to help bring everyone else back. It was her choice. She's a hero."

Almost wheezing from lack of air entering his lungs, Steve sobbed, "She... deserved... better."

"She did," Bucky easily agreed, pressing affectionate kisses to Steve's temple.

Unsurprisingly, Steve didn't feel better with Bucky agreeing with him. He just felt guilty. Guilty that he could've done more. Should've done more. There was a canyon in Steve's gut as his mind ran over everything that he could've said to her. Should've said to her before she left. Instead of smiling before they left, he could've reminded her that he loved her. Should've hugged her just one more time.

Once his sobs mellowed, Steve simply laid pressed against Bucky. Softly, Bucky smoothed his hair back, and kissed his forehead. Knowing Steve like the back of his hand, Bucky softly assured, "She knew that you all loved her. She did."

Then, through his pain haze brain, Steve knew what he had to do. Pulling away from Bucky, Steve threw his leg over the edge of the hospital bed. Fully intending on finding his teammates and getting an update on how the rebuilding of the time machine was going.

"Where the hell do you think you're going?" Bucky asked, grabbing onto Steve's arm.

"To save Natasha," Steve confirmed while Bucky tugged his arm, yanking him back down to the thin mattress. Trying to get his arm out of Bucky's grasp, Steve frantically explained, "I need to return the stones. I need to get her back. I need to go! Bucky, I need to --"

"You need to get your ass back in this bed," Bucky demanded, "Your arm is healing for fuck's sake."

"I'm a quick healer," Steve replied, moving to peel Bucky's fingers from his bicep. Only, as soon as he bent his elbow, pain shot up his arm. Clenching his jaw, Steve dropped down on the bed with fresh tears prickling in the corners of his eyes.

Easing Steve back down, Bucky draped the blanket over him and said, "It's been a day -- a day, Steve! You can -- and you will -- lay here and heal."

Weakly, Steve argued, "But the stones..."

"The stones will still be there," Bucky reassured, taking his seat in the chair beside Steve's bed. Huffing out a breath, he fixed the half-up, half-down hairstyle, tightening the bun as he explained, "That haven't even rebuilt the machine yet."

"As soon as they do..."

Rolling his eyes, Bucky agreed, "You'll be on your way. I know." Extending his arm to Steve, he said, "Now hold my hand and watch this cheesy show with me."

With a small smile stretching his lips, Steve eased into the fluffed pillows and gladly accepted the offer. Lacing his fingers with Bucky's as they contently watched the soap opera. Soon, being joined by Sam who filled the pair in on what was going on in the story. And for a moment, Steve could relax.