Still The Same | taekook ✔️

t h i r t y - t h r e e

[ forget ]
0:58 ──♡───────── 3:47
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They had less than two days.

Jeongguk watched as Taehyung moved around in his studio apartment, packing a portion of his things into his limited amount of luggage, deciding what to take with him by weighing their value. He couldn't bring himself to help- after all, it would be helping him leave him.

Taehyung could feel the younger's eyes drilling holes into the back of his skull and wished he had the will to tell him to stop staring. They were both worn out after last night's commotion. Jeongguk barely slept, having bawled through most of the night.

It was morning now, and the younger had insisted to go wherever Taehyung went.

A sudden wave of irritation hit the older and he slammed his suitcase shut, making Jeongguk jump slightly. "Fuck." Taehyung seethed.

What was he doing? He didn't care about his damn belongings. He cared about the timid boy standing a few feet away from him.

"Jeongguk, let's go."

Jeongguk blinked at him, still aware of his unpacked things. "Now? Where?"

"I don't know. But I don't want to waste another second." Taehyung took his hand, his other one fumbling to put on his shoes. "We'll move my shit out later."

"To where?"

Taehyung sighed. He wished Jeongguk would stop asking so many questions. There were too many things to think about and too little time. Jimin hasn't reached out to either of them.

"I don't know." Taehyung told him again, "Let's not talk about it right now, please?"

They had no sense of direction. Somehow their feet took them to the park down the block.

The air was warm, the sunlight beating down on their skin. They sauntered along the dirt path, kicking at little stones. Vast flowers concealed the freshly cut grass, in danger of being trampled by the children running around in all their youthfulness. Taehyung led Jeongguk to a quieter part of the field and sat down on the thick roots under a tree, it's leaves and branches offering cool shade.

"C'mere." He whispered.

Jeongguk laid down next to him, basking in the way Taehyung held him, clinging on to him with every last fiber of his being. Taehyung nuzzled at his neck, trying to embed his sweet scent into his brain. He didn't want to think, didn't want to feel, afraid that it'll bring the end closer. Too close for comfort.

Instead he dragged his hand down the younger's arm and played mindlessly with his fingers. He listened to Jeongguk's breathing pattern, watched the way his chest rose and fell steadily. He soaked in every detail about him- the same way he did all those years ago.

"What if I went with you?"

Taehyung craned his neck to look at him. "Jeongguk..."

"What if I went with you, Taehyungie?"

"You can't."

It was so obvious, yet the younger continued speaking, his tone interlaced with false hope. "We could run away." His voice broke. "And- and we'd be together and we wouldn't even have to worry about your brother he'll be far away and maybe we'll live somewhere near the beach and-"

"Jeongguk..."

"I don't want you to leave. You said you wouldn't leave."

Jeongguk's words that usually pulled beautifully on Taehyung's heartstrings were now ripping the entire thing out.

The younger shifted, sitting up to properly face him. "Do you love me, Taehyungie?"

Taehyung felt his jaw tighten. Just weeks ago he wouldn't have minded declaring his love for him over and over again, shouting it from the rooftops if the world willed it. But now-

"You're not saying anything." Jeongguk's lips drooped down to a frown, the twinkle in his eyes dying out.

"Jeongguk." Taehyung was quick to cup his lover's face, trying to bring the light back to those pretty orbs of brown. God, how many times had he spoken his name? "I don't know if I can say it without c-crying, Gguk."

"You can cry." Jeongguk forced out a giggle, though tears were stinging his eyes. "See? I'm- I'm already crying." Droplets of salt cascaded down his cheeks. "I just want you to stay... you'll keep me safe."

"This is keeping you safe, Jeongguk." Taehyung told him, "Me leaving is protecting you. And not just you- Jimin and all our other friends. They won't be hurt because of me ever again."

A sob raked through Jeongguk's body as he broke eye contact. "It's so unfair."

"I know, baby, I'm sorry." Taehyung stroked the younger's cheek and tucked his hair behind his ear, all the while catching teardrops on his fingers. "You'll have to forget me eventually, okay?"

Both knew, once he was back in Busan his brother would surely take over his life. They wouldn't be able to keep in touch even if they wanted to.

Jeongguk shook his head, anger and hurt seeping into his expression. "Why would you say that?"

"You have to move on and find someone who wouldn't leave like I'm about to." Taehyung's mouth was speaking on its own now. Every sentence contradicting the selfish thoughts in his head. "Someone who wouldn't fuck everything up. Someone permanent."

"I don't want permanent." Jeongguk protested, his own palm sliding over the back of Taehyung's hand that rested on his face. "I want you."

Taehyung inhaled. "You'll find someone better, Gguk."

"You think I haven't tried?" Jeongguk's voice became a tad louder but more vulnerable, blinking his tears back furiously. "I tried looking for someone after you were gone, Tae. I couldn't- They weren't you."

Now Taehyung was crying, knowing that Jeongguk had been thinking of him that whole time they were apart, just as he did.

Maybe they shouldn't have reconnected. Maybe Taehyung should've walked out the moment he saw Jeongguk in that shop. Maybe if he left him alone, they wouldn't have reopened a healed wound, wouldn't be hurting like this.

"Would you think of me from time to time, at least?" Jeongguk murmured.

"Of course." Taehyung answered without skipping a beat. "You'll always be at the back of my mind. Wherever life takes me."

And Jeongguk crawled back into his chest, pressing his ear against his heart, counting down the hours they had left together, hung over them like the blade of a guillotine.

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Ha ha totally didn't cry writing this one. Nuh-uh. It's sad boi hours my dudes.