A wreck within

Chapter 13

Since Morgan and Howard left nothing was the same. Moira was spending most of her free time with Sarah.
Sarah's anorexia was getting worse. Since her father's death she stopped eating. Natalie was all over the place. She had to deal with James' situation, Sarah's health issues and take care of Maggie.
Liz was still in denial about everything that happened to Sebastian. Sebastian was getting beaten up at the Juvy and he was patiently waiting for his hearing. Liz was alone. Her father did not care for either of them.
Moira was the only one who was 'coping' with the whole situation. In reality, she was not doing any better, but nobody needed to know it.
Morgan had trouble getting used to her new school. James was getting worse and they did not have any news about Freya. She was trying hard to stay strong, but she could not take it anymore.
The thing that was bothering her the most were the comments at school. She was messed up. The girls there made her feel like a weirdo, and Morgan started acting like one.
There were a lot of rumors flying around about her. They were stupid and they made no sense at all. Morgan did not have any confidence left. Without her confidence she was not able to fight back and speak for herself. The normal Morgan would walk down the school corridors with her fancy heels. Everyone would stop talking just to watch her walk.
Now, she was unnoticeable. She was sitting on her own. Her friends were trying to not let her on her own, but she was pushing them all away. Sarah and Liz were calling her all the time, but she was declining their calls. She did not want to hear any bad news.
Morgan needed the attention. That is when she really changed. She and Howard were going to different schools. Nobody knew who she was, or what was her story. She pretended to be a dumb girl. She let guys to take advantage of her and pretended that she enjoyed their behavior towards her. But it made her fit in. She started smoking more and more. Nobody could stop her. The security in the dorms was ridiculous. Nobody was checking what the students were bringing with them. In a week she became the most popular and wanted girl at the school. She hated her new self but that was the only distraction from her sad life. It was the only way to not think about James, Freya, and Sebastian.
Morgan came back to New York after a month away, for the Thanksgiving weekend. She arrived on Wednesday noon. She did not tell anyone that she was coming back. She did not want to meet up with anyone. She did not want to pretend that she missed seeing their faces. She did not miss having feelings. She like the numbness the cigarettes were giving her.
Moira and Liz were sitting in a coffee shop on Wednesday afternoon. A certain girl that seemed familiar to them stepped in. She was wearing a pink faux fur, 5 inches boots and big designer glasses. She was obviously drunk. When she removed the glasses, they realized that it was Morgan.
"Morgan? Why didn't tell us that you are in town?" Liz exclaimed sounding happy and confused at the same time.
Morgan rolled her eyes. "I didn't want you to know that I was back" Morgan said with a slow tone. Like she could not put a sentence together.
The two girls looked at her astonished. "What's wrong with you?" Moira asked.
"Are you asking me? There- is- n-nothing wrong. Everything is alright. I am having the best time of my life." Morgan replied. It was a response she was giving automatically to everyone who was asking her.
Moira stared at the floor. "Morgan, you don't have to act all brave to us. We get how you are feeling." She said at her.
"No, you don't" Morgan wept.
Liz half-closed her eyes. "We don't have money to fix our lives. We have to live in a small apartment that we will get evicted from. While you go to a boarding school and become a person that it is not you. We cannot get out of this death trap. Out of this big crack house that is this place. We have to stay behind and deal with the pain. With our difficulties, with how broken we all are." Liz cried. Sarah stood in silence.
Morgan faked a laugh. "You think so? I am sure this is who I am. For once in my life, I am not hiding behind anyone. I am coping on my own way. Money cannot make you happier, believe me. People make you feel better. As I proved to myself that I do not need Howard or James or anyone. I am just facing the truth." Morgan tried to leave the coffee shop, but Moira stopped her.
"What is the truth, Morgan? I want you to look me straight in the eye and tell me the truth." Moira asked Morgan in the most caring tone.
Morgan's eyes became watery. "That someone is after us and there is nothing, we can do about it. Everyone else is gone. It is only us. Seb is rotting in jail. Freya is nowhere to be found. The scientists cannot find an antidote for James who has gone crazy. Howard hasn't given any signs of how he is doing because he doesn't care. And I started not caring either."
Liz stared at Morgan's eyes and held her hand. "Maybe you are right. That is the truth but that doesn't mean that we can't do anything about it"
"Liz. Just give up! It is frustrating, that you are always trying to make things better, but they only get worse. Give up already. Everyone is broken. When a glass breaks you don't try to glue the shards together. They will never be as pretty or as steady as they were. You keep trying to fix something that is impossible to fix" Morgan left.
Maybe Morgan was right. It was time to give up. Leaving the coffee shop Morgan was wiping away her tears. How did she hit rock bottom so fast? She did not take her normal route back home. She decided to go to Central Park. It was freezing cold, but it was Morgan's safe place.
Howard was always well mannered. He had never been a rich brat or an idiot. But everything changed within a few weeks. He never learned how to cope with death or tragic events. He thought that with running away from everything would make him feel better. He was not sad but dead inside. His second family was being destroyed. And the way he coped with? Being cynical.
He tried to forget that James encountered the devil from firsthand and he was unable to talk or to act like James. He tried to forget that Sebastian was slowly dying behind the bars of the Juvy. He also tried to forget the image of Freya with a sword stabbed on her. He tried to forget that Kiara left them. He tried to forget the rumors about him and Morgan.
All those thoughts were the subject of his nightmares. He imagined the person that stabbed Freya, that locked Sebastian, that drove James mad was coming for him. And every night he was dying differently. He knew that he would not be as lucky as the others and stay alive.
The worst dream he had was Morgan sobbing for mercy before they decapitate her, right Infront of him. He knew that they were not just dreams. They were visions. Just like what James was seeing before he went mad. Was Howard going to end up as James?
He woke up in a cold room. He could smell a pungent vomit smell mixed with smoke, but he did not even care. Howard tried to get up, still dizzy from last's night hungover. He was trying find the last clean clothes that he had in his bag. Which meant that he had to get through empty packets of cigarettes, bottles of alcohol and vomit. To his dismay, he had to return back to his home, for the holidays. He tried to hide all his "school violations" and left from the building.
A black car was waiting for him outside his school. Their driver, Vegas was trying his best and not freak out to Howard's new appearance. Vegas opened the door for him "Let us go Vegas" Howard said in a rather strict tone. Vegas did not react to his tone. He just stared with sadness.
Vegas was their father's close friend. He was not their driver but more like his father's advisor. Vegas knew Morgan and Howard since the day they were born. Watching his best friend's children like that. It was unbearable for him. He had seen how Morgan was, the same morning when he took her from her school back home.
He opened the doors of the place he used to call his home. His mother was standing on the door frame. In the blink of an eye without him realizing he and his mother were hugging each other. Or she was hugging him. He was standing there as awkward and stiff as a wooden log.
"You got taller and a lot thinner. Have you been eating at all?" She expressed. She was not mad with him but very concerned.
Howard was not just thinner. Since he went to the boarding school, he was eating tiny portions. That made him buy new clothes in the first fifteen days in the school. You could clearly see all his bones under his clothes. His eyes who used to have a calming honey color had become red from the fatigue and the crying. They seemed to be pitch black. Like the abyss. "I know mum" he exclaimed with a quiet tone.
"I am not thrilled about the red streak, either" She ran her fingers in the streak that he had painted red. James' favourite color was red. He did not like that color but he wanted to keep a part of James with him.
"I don't care". he said dryly.
"Do you want to talk to me?". And that was the moment he exploded.
Even though he was never crying. That day he was sobbing for over an hour. Howard got in touch with his real feelings about everything that was happening. "I hate myself mum. I hate that I let my life get destroyed" he sobbed.
Howard's mother, Virginia was always supportive of her children. "Honey, everything was going to be okay. Let it all out. Hurt is good. You will feel better later."
"I ruined everything. I was not taking care of Freya and I let Morgan on her own. I never went to see Sebastian and I always find excuses to not see James in that lab he is in. Everyone has problems and I am too busy thinking about myself and myself only."
Virginia hugged her son. "Don't beat yourself up like that. Sometimes you have to take care of yourself. And when you feel better you can fix everything. Nothing is beyond repair" Howard decided that he had to make everything better.
He went to Morgan's room. Morgan was crying on her bed. Howard tapped on her shoulder. Morgan started hugging him. "We have to help James. I can't give up on him" She cried.
"We're going to find the cure, on our own. We are going to do the job, none of the adults can" Howard said with determination. It was time for them to run the world.