No Turning Back (Rewrite)

Chapter 24

Christmas used to be my favorite time of the year. Smiles were spread across faces of all ages. Twinkling lights and goofy blowups decorated almost every front lawn. The schoolwork began to slow down due to the forthcoming break. Feel-good movies could be found on almost every single television channel. My parents were home more.

My father took some time away from the office as many of his employees and colleagues were out traveling or visiting family. While he usually locked himself away in his home office, his presence was still valued. Same with my mother. With the courts beginning to break for the holidays, she had less on her workload. So, she spent the holidays exploring the malls and indulging in as much retail therapy as she possibly could. As a kid, I thought she spent most of that time shopping for Christmas gifts. Little did I know, she was buying more things for herself than presents.

Around this time of year, I usually felt the pressure of my social restraints lift off my shoulders. Although I still had to deal with attending absurd parties with my parents, it was easier to feign my happiness. This year, I thought maybe I wasn't pretending to be happy. My smiles and laughter were genuine at the abundance of parties my parents dragged me to. Throughout all the basketball conversations and questions about my looming future, the rattling chains inside my brain maintained a subtle hold. Not once did they squeeze so tight to the point where I couldn't breathe. Did they almost get there? Of course. But then I remembered what I was going home to: a hot shower and a phone call from Jayden. Some nights, I managed to make up some excuse to my parents about hanging out with the team. Then, I'd sneak over to his house and spend the night wrapped in his arms.

As I lay comfortable and secure in his embrace, I pondered over what to get him for Christmas. He wasn't exactly into expensive jewelry like most of my girlfriends in the past. The more I thought about it, the more I realized I'd never actually given a gift to one of my male flings. There was never a relationship established where either of us felt the need to exchange anything – well not material things anyway. I hadn't realized how hard it was to shop for a guy – Jayden especially.

I'd searched the mall high and low with Conner on a Saturday searching for the perfect gift for him. My best friend tried to help, but he was still under the impression I was shopping for a girl. The dainty necklaces and diamond earrings he continuously pointed out wasn't exactly what I was looking for. I came out the stores empty-handed that day.

"Why don't you buy her an experience?" Conner suggested on the ride home.

I raised an eyebrow at him. "An experience?"

"Yeah, like a concert or something. I'm sure one of the singers she likes will be touring next year."

Honestly, it wasn't a bad idea. When I got home, I searched up some of the artists Jayden played daily. To my pleasant surprise, one of his favorite rappers was coming to our area in the next few months – and his tickets weren't super expensive. I thought Jayden might like a concert like that. It'd be something both of us could enjoy.

Speaking of experiences, I was able to give Donnie one as well. The manager of the arena reached out to me via email, reminding me of the season passes I had for the Washington Wizards. Truthfully, I'd forgotten all about the free tickets. At the reminder, I made plans to attend a game with Donnie and Jayden.

As expected, my brother was ecstatic. He could barely sit still during the car ride. He bounced and babbled for the entire half hour.

I tried to entertain his excitement as I drove, but he was asking for more attention than I could give him in those moments. Continuously, I glanced at Jayden, waiting for him to tap in and take over.

My boyfriend, however, sat quietly for the entire ride with his hood pulled over his head and his green eyes trained out the window.

Over the course of the week, he'd been talking less and less. In school, I understood his lack of conversation. Mrs. Ryan had begun alternating between reading short stories and watching their animated film counterparts. We rarely did any real work in her class. Still, I noticed he'd lay his head down on the desk or disappear in the bathroom for nearly twenty minutes at a time.