No Turning Back (Rewrite)

Chapter 6

My thoughts are like stars. Sometimes they sit still in the darkness of my mind, glittering and reflecting beautiful insight on my self-conscious. Other times, they're shooting through my mind, aching to collide into the depths of my brain. And still, there are the moments where they're about to burst. Inside my head, they wriggle and shake and build up to an exuberant climax – one that usually leads me into the bathroom, shivering and destroyed.

I was having a lot of those moments today. In second period after listening to my teacher spat an abundance of physics laws. At lunch when Mia brought her gang of cheerleaders to our table and sat on my lap. When Justin licked his lips at her and offered me a devious smile. In sixth period as I was preparing to deliver my presentation on the unjust prison system. My thoughts were exploding like fireworks in my head. Every little thing triggered an explosion. The noise in the hallway. My teacher's stern eyes. The warmth of Mia's rum on my lap. The abundance of words on papers in front of me. Even trying to verbalize statements never failed to set off another beautiful array of sparkles in my head.

I stopped noticing when I couldn't breathe. It'd become so common, that the suffocation became second nature. I could survive drowning. After all, I'd spent my whole life hiding underneath the surface. At least now, I had a beautiful show to watch in the meantime.

Eighth period was the only class where I gasped for air. Our teacher had reserved the class period to work on our essays. With all social expectations set aside, I closed in on myself. I ignored the fireworks and focused on the task at hand. The stars aligned themselves into a normal constellation as I wrote. The exploding thoughts gradually died, and the night sky went quiet again.

In the comfort of the silence, I managed to complete a first draft. I stared at the screen for a moment after I'd finished typing. Truth be told, I didn't even know what I'd written. I was too busy basking in the calm after the storm.

Quietly, I read through my paper and revised any errors. Unfortunately, there weren't many. Smoothing out the flaws was easy. The fireworks threatened to return as the distraction faded away.

I glanced at the clock. Five minutes. Five more minutes until I ran out of this hell hole. Five more minutes until I could pick up Donnie. Five more minutes until I could curl up beneath my covers and pretend I didn't exist. Five minutes.

My eyes drifted to my partner. I wasn't surprised at the blank page or the distinct tapping to the beat bumping through his headphones. Still, I pitied the lost expression on his face. The due date was encroaching upon us, and he was only on square one. He was going to fail if he kept this up.

At the sound of the bell, Jayden visibly sank in his seat. Our eyes briefly made contact as he gathered his materials. His gaze bounced between my computer screen filled with words and the small frown on my lips. Slowly, his eyes fell to the floor. Silently, he rose from his seat and followed the crowd out of the room.

I sighed. Quickly, I shoved my notebooks and computer into my bookbag. I bid the teacher a goodbye as I passed her.

"Daniel," she called.

Reluctantly, I stopped in my tracks. "Yes, Mrs. Ryan."

"May I ask for a favor?"

"Sure."

"I've noticed Jayden is having some trouble with his paper. Would you mind helping him out?"

I raised an eyebrow. "How? He won't talk to me."

She shrugged. "Perhaps try to be nicer."

"I'm nice to him!"

"Daniel," she said softly. "Being nice is different than being polite. Tomorrow, I'm planning to take you all to the library for a work period. Try sitting with him and talking with him. Maybe you can help him brainstorm some ideas."