No Turning Back (Rewrite)

Chapter 21

I'd almost forgotten what a stomach full of butterflies felt like. Their wings fluttered against my ribcage constantly, tickling my bones and summoning a smile on my lips. They bounced giddily around my tummy, creating waves of nausea and alerting almost every nerve in my body. The fuckers refused to rest. From the moment I woke up till the second I fell asleep, they were causing torment.

At first, I was annoyed by their never-ending party. My random smiles and sudden bursts of energy were unlike me. My spontaneous actions earned some quizzical stares from my classmates and teammates. Only Conner seemed to have an idea of the cause of my happiness. With every smile and enthusiastic rant, he sent me a coy smirk. He must've remembered my frantic call a few weeks ago – back when the thought of kissing Jayden scared the living daylights out of me. Thankfully, he kept his cheeky comments to himself. I had no doubts he was waiting for the perfect moment to bombard me with questions about my new beau. I'd just have to be mindful of my answers.

Within a few weeks, I grew fond of the sensation. The giddiness transformed into motivation to survive the tedious parts of the day. The ridiculous student council meetings. The tiresome basketball tryouts. The boring academic lectures. All of them simply became a small hurdle I had to endure before I could see Jayden. Watching him doodle in eighth period or picking him up from work after basketball practice were the little things I looked forward to.

In school, I did my best to keep up the façade that we were only classmates. We chatted during free time about the assignments and whatever new songs he wanted to show me. During lectures, he'd doodle small sugar skulls with my name on them or scribble humorous notes. Each time it was harder to contain my grin.

Outside of West Brook, I always greeted him with a short kiss or a peck on the cheek. With every gesture, a hint of color rushed to his brown cheeks. Our short ride to his house was usually silent. Both of us were too tired to entertain any real conversation. Still, Jayden used his music to speak for him. I noticed he chose playlists with particularly romantic lyrics whenever the two of us were alone. He'd watch out of the corner of his eye while I digested the new beats and words, seemingly waiting for a reaction to the feelings he couldn't say. After a song I particularly liked, I reached over and squeezed his hand, silently thanking him for the thought.

Despite our constant interaction, we'd never gone out on a real date. I'd realized the fact as I was driving him home from work on Friday night. I'd been squeezing his palm to the beat of the song, contemplating what we could do the next day since I finally had a day off from pre-season basketball training.

"How come we haven't gone out on a date," I asked in the spur of the moment.

Jayden glanced at me. "Because you're being a pussy and haven't asked me out on one."

I playfully gasped. "Who said I had to do it?"

"You kissed me first, so that means you have to ask me out. Obviously, you're the one who has a crush on me."

I rolled my eyes. "Do you wanna go out...on a date?"

A smile spread across his lips. "Of course. I've been waiting long enough."

I chuckled.

We agreed to have our first "date" at Jayden's house. As we were brainstorming ideas, he noticed the uncomfortable frown tugging at my lips whenever he mentioned any public restaurant. Most of the ones he mentioned were well-known places around town where most of the student body and their family members either worked or frequently dined in. I didn't want to risk the possibility of being seen with Jayden – not yet. Sure, we could have a nice dinner and pretend we were only friends. But, I didn't want to restrict myself – or him – on an occasion where we're supposed to be making googly eyes at each other. For once, I desired to spend time with him the way I wanted – with his hands in mine and my lips on his.