No Turning Back (Rewrite)

Chapter 10

The basketball court on Bellerose Avenue used to feel like home. I remember the summer days when I'd race down here with a basketball under one arm and a cold water bottle in the other. My friends would be sitting on the blacktop when I arrived. Cheers used to echo through the wind at my presence. Usually, I was chosen as one of the team captains. Justin used to be the other chosen alpha. We'd stand side by side as we picked our teams.

Conner was always my first choice. He was my God-given partner on the court. We didn't have to yell over the other players to communicate. Half the time, we didn't even have to make eye contact. Somehow, we never failed to pass the ball to the other. Even with rebounds, we managed to catch the other's bad shot and dunk it into the hoop. If there was a such thing as soulmates in basketball, Conner was mine.

The group of us used to play for hours in the summer heat. Despite the sweat running down every inch of our skin and pungent body odors, we refused to stop until the sun went down. Some nights, we stayed out long after the sun went down. Two streetlights lit up the court when the darkness arrived. My father once told me that we all looked like a bunch of scrawny shadows from a distance. He joked if he didn't know any better, he'd think a bunch of ghosts were out having a scrimmage in the middle of the suburbs. Then, he'd smile and ask if I had fun.

My answer was always yes.

Basketball was one of the few things I loved. One of the few activities where I felt like myself.

I idly dribbled the ball as I walked beneath the rusted rim. The street lights illuminated the black-top. This time, I was the only shadow in-sight.

Sighing, I threw the ball towards the rim. With a swoosh, the ball flew through the hoop. Slowly, I approached the bouncing ball.

For once, my mind was quiet. No intrusive thoughts. No end-less to-do lists. No existential crisis panics. Only crickets and the subtle sound of the wind.

I wished I could say I enjoyed the quiet. Most people would find it peaceful. I, on the other hand, found it disturbing. No thoughts meant no emotions. No emotions meant nothing was pulsing through my body. I was empty.

Not that I was surprised. Beneath my charismatic exterior, there was only a ball of panic and anxiety. With my worries decreasing by the day, more and more of the ball unraveled. Before long, there would be nothing left. Then, I'd truly be a walking, talking puppet.

I took a few steps backwards as the basketball was abruptly swiped out of my hands. I blinked a few times, startled by the sudden movement. My eyes darted around the court in search of the culprit. I wasn't surprised to see Conner's blonde hair shining under the streetlights.

"What's up, dude," he asked with a raised brow. "Why are you out here all by yourself?"

I mirrored his expression. "What are you doing out here at this time of night?"

He scoffed. "I was walking home from Bella's house when I saw you." He bounced the ball back into my hands. "Your turn."

"I was just...thinking."

"About...?"

My gaze fell to the blacktop. "Do you...do you think my personality is an act?"

"No," he replied without hesitation. "Why do you ask?"

I shrugged. "One of the assholes in my English class said some stupid shit to me and...I don't know. I thought I didn't care, but I...I do – and I'm not sure why."

He was silent for a moment. "I truly don't believe your personality is a façade, but I will say you've been acting strange lately. You haven't been acting like yourself." He took a step closer. "Are you okay?"