Our Yesterdays and Tomorrows

Tsundere

Summary:

Min Yoongi was a tsundere who didn't know what to do with the love that he had. Now that his love is gone he is at an even greater loss as to what he should do with the life he has left.

~oooOooo~

Notes:

This story is inspired by Evanescence's "Taking Over Me". 

Oneshot.

~oooOooo~

"You don't remember me but I remember you."

Twelfth, May, 2018 is a day that I will never forget. It is the day thatyou forgot everything. Even me. ESPECIALLY...me. I deserve it I suppose. Inever was good at loving someone the way that I loved you, or the way that youloved me in return. I was afraid to let my emotions show. That is what did youin, in the end. My inability to care. To acknowledge just how MUCH YOU cared.If I could go back and do it all again...

~oooOooo~

"I lie awake and try so hard not to think of you."

I moved out of the dorms and in to a place of my own. I thought that it would make it easier but...it hasn't. I think of you all the time now. What you're doing and how you are. If you still worry like you used to. I know that our brothers are taking care of you. They're helping you to remember who you are again. Just...not the you that you were when you were with me. You still don't remember me at all. I'm starting to wonder if you ever will, or if I even want you to.

~oooOooo~

"But who can decide what they dream? And dream I do..."

I dreamt of you last night. I do every night. I wish... No I don't. I would never want to forget you. No matter how bad things got.

We were in the park after schedules. Manager Hyung had given us a few hours to do whatever we wanted and...you had wanted to take a walk so...we did. That is how I knew it was a dream and not a memory. In a memory I would have gone straight to my studio to rewrite a song, or remix something I hadn't been happy with, intent on unattainable perfection in the songs that I composed. In a memory I would have stayed away all night just to once again avoid all the emotions of an actual conversation with you in which you would have told me that you were concerned for me and I would have told you to quit wasting your time and insisted I was fine.

~oooOooo~

"I believe in you. I'll give up everything just to find you. I have to be with you, to live, to breathe. You're taking over me."

I have tried time and time again to approach you. It always ends the same though. I say the wrong thing and it sends you over the edge. You go into a panic over my inappropriate behavior, Jin hyung and Namjoonah drag me outside, tell me to go home, and say that they will check on me in a few hours while everyone else tends to you because you are fragile, and hurting, and confused over why you don't remember me when obviously you SHOULD.

So many times I have set your recovery back for my own selfish reasons. We have been on hiatus for almost a year now because of me. Because of my inability to let you go now that I don't have you anymore.

~oooOooo~

"Have you forgotten all I know? And all we had? You saw me mourning my love for you, And touched my hand. I knew you loved me then."

I remember your last episode with painful clarity. I caught you alone and begged you to remember me. I've never seen our brothers so mad. They couldn't even speak to me...let alone look at me. I fled the dorm before Jungkook could hit me. I'm positive they would have let him.

I fled to the park; to a bench just outside of the dorms and sat with my head in my hands for hours just... thinking. How could I have been so stupid? How did I not SEE? We loved each other as brothers of course but... somehow you found the courage to admit to something more and...I threw it all away. It took me a while to notice the tears that were soaking my hands, and the hand on my shoulder, or the sob that escaped me when I realized it was you. Just... not the you that I knew.

I could see in that moment that you cared for me. But not as you should. Not as you had. You cared for me as a member of the group. The new one that you couldn't quite remember because you had been in an accident you see and...your memory was still a little hazy.

~oooOooo~

"I believe in you. I'll give up everything just to find you. I have to be with you, to live, to breathe. You're taking over me."

It was over then. I could see it with perfect clarity. So I secretly returned everything I had of yours and forced myself to move on. Or to at least try. I committed myself to earning a place in your memory as the brother I had once been to you. Forced myself to admit that I would never be anything more. Recognized that the fault was entirely my own. I'd like to think I matured just a bit then.

~oooOooo~

"I look in the mirror and see your face. If I look deep enough, So many things inside that are just like you are taking over..."

I do not look in the mirror as much now. I do not like to have our photos taken. I do not keep an album like I did before. I practice ridiculously long hours so I spend little time in the dorms and, when we have schedule, I ask to bunk with anyone but you.

I stay quiet so that no one asks me questions, and they say that I am shy.

I pause before I speak so that no one else will be victim to my harsh words, and they say that I am thoughtful.

I keep my head down and rethink my every move, and they say I have no confidence.

People say that I am a lot like you now, and I shut completely down.

~oooOooo~

"I believe in you. I'll give up everything just to find you. I have to be with you to live, to breathe. You're taking over me."

Slowly we are coming out of our shells. We are very different people now and yet...we are almost the same. You are still Kim Taehyung. Thoughtful and kind...still the smallest bit shy. But you are more outspoken. Confident. Vastly more independent.

I am still Min Yoongi. Or so they tell me. Still overly dedicated to perfection. Still neurotic with performances and practice. Still unsure of my presentation. But they tell me I am kinder with my words. More receptive to concern from others. They tell me I have grown. I hope this is so.

We are once again friends, you and I. Brothers even. It has taken a while but...here we are. I know that anything more will never be and honestly, I no longer want it. I'm just sorry I put you through all that pain so that I could see. I still believe in you Taeah, and I will be eternally grateful that you still believe in me.

Fin