Our Yesterdays and Tomorrows

For Always

Summary:

This doesn't really have a summary, and pairings are open to interpretation, but please, give it a shot. And if you message me upon reading this story, I will tell you who MY unmentioned characters are, just to see if that is what you envisioned as well.

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Notes:

This story is inspired by Evanescence's "My Immortal". Oneshot.

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twi·light: (noun) a period or state of obscurity, ambiguity, or gradual decline. "He was in the twilight of his career." Synonyms: decline, waning, ebb.

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"I'm so tired of being here."

I've sat in this exact chair for two hundred and thirty seven days. I'm tired. The people don't change. The scenery doesn't change. You haven't changed. I don't want to be here, but I refuse to leave you behind.

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"Suppressed by all my childish fears."

I'm afraid that if I leave for even a moment, you'll wake and think that I abandoned you. I still remember all those nights in your rooms when we would be lost in conversation, and you would tell me that everyone you had ever loved had left you in one way or another. Death. Jealously. Hatred. I promised you I would never leave, and I haven't. I'm still right here. But my fears were far different from yours. I never feared people would leave me. I feared it would all get to be too much and I would run away, like I want to do now. But for you I will remain strong. I won't condemn either of us in a moment I was weak.

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"And if you have to leave, I wish that you would just leave, 'Cause your presence still lingers here, And it won't leave me alone."

They say that you won't ever wake up, that your mind is forever trapped on the edge of consciousness. Is that true? People have been stuck in comas for years and then one day a miracle happens, and they wake up like they were only ever sleeping. But I feel you here, I see the breath enter and leave your chest; I hear the steady beating of your heart. Please come back to me.

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"These wounds won't seem to heal. This pain is just too real. There's just too much that time cannot erase."

I will not forget you, My Love. Not ever. Our brothers and our fans will make sure of that. But I can remain here no more. You and I...will only ever be a dream for me. With you here...my heart cannot heal. Chagiyah, you must move on. You cannot stay here in the twilight of your life. I promise we will be okay if you must let go. Everyone now knows what you have done...how you sacrificed yourself to save us all. But we cannot continue doing this to ourselves... We cannot mourn your loss when your body is still here...

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"When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears. When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears. And I held your hand through all of these years, But you still have all of me."

Why can't you see that I'm waiting for you? Why won't you come back to me? To us? I can't do this. I cannot leave you here when half of my heart is with you. How will I survive? You were not one to show such weakness as tears, and you very rarely let your nightmares break through the surface, but when you did I was there for you. Why will you not be here for me? I need you. Your brothers need you. Who will hold me when I cry for you? Who will calm me when you come to haunt me in my dreams?

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"You used to captivate me by your resonating light, Now I'm bound by the life you left behind."

You were so smart, hyung...always so wise. An old soul in a young and capable body. I could sit and listen to you discuss your theories for hours. We were going to change the world, you and I. Now it is just I alone and...I am not sure how I should move on. Everyone else already has, you see.

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"Your face—it haunts my once pleasant dreams."

The memories of the time we spent together haunt me; oppress me. I don't think I'll ever be able to let you go, not when you hover so close, yet at a distance. Your body is here; firm and warm, but your mind is not. It has not entertained a conversation in four hundred and eighty nine days. I won't fault you if you leave me here alone. Your fears and mine were never the same. But you were right, everyone leaves us in the end. I am the only one here for you now.

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"Your voice—it chased away all the sanity in me."

I hear you speaking to me I swear. Our friends think me insane. They want me looked at. They say my delusions are unhealthy...

Maybe I am insane, or maybe your legacy haunts me. If a life of sanity is one without you in it, well... If only you would speak to me for real. Just one word. One tiny word. At this point I would even take 'goodbye'.

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"I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone, But though you're still with me, I've been alone all along."

It has been five years, my love, and you have not come back to me. I have finally accepted the fact that you never will. You may be here in body, and your soul may be trapped somewhere in the in-between, but your mind is forever lost to me, and I fear that now I must move on. You will always have a piece of my heart, but our members need their brother, and I'm afraid I've found another. He is good to me...he knows me now almost as well as you did before. I really can't ask for any better. But I will still be here for you, for I have never really left. Until you draw your last breath. Always.

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fin