The silent figure walked along the cliffs, a bottle of soju dangling between his fingers as guilt, and sadness, and anger consumed him. He mourned many things that unusually bright and sunny November day; the loss of a confidant and friend, of someone who could have loved him for all time...someone who could have kept his family safe...together... alive. He mourned the fact that he never stopped to see the bigger picture. But above all he mourned the fact that he never got to say goodbye; never took the time to tell Mathan Foley exactly how he felt; never allowed himself to understand just how much the American had sacrificed to try and save them all. Yes Kim Taehyung had died that night, and yes Mathan Foley had been the easiest to blame but...looking back on all of it now, every sign had been there for the members of BTS to see.
The signs were there in the way Mathan grabbed his chest; in the way he paused for just a moment more than they thought he should. His weakness shone in the sweat upon his brow, the shakiness of his movements, the uncertainty in his eyes. Mathan Foley had been dying even then, and no one had taken the time to stop and to see. None of the members had offered him help or asked what was wrong, and because of that, they had failed not one brother, but two. Mathan Foley had been like a brother to them; had done everything he could to try and deliver them safely home, and instead of honoring and recognizing his sacrifices, they saw him railroaded to his doom, cold and alone, just as they had done to their sweet Taehyung.
Tears welled in Seokjin's eyes as sadness and pain threatened to overwhelm him. In the fading moments of Mathan's life, Kim Seokjin had failed him most of all. So wrapped up in his own personal grief, he had refused all contacts from the facility where Mathan was housed, only returning the messages at the behest of his overwhelmed manager to find out that he had called mere hours too late. Mathan Foley had died exactly as he believed he had deserved, and his body had since been deposited in an unmarked grave meant for prisoners and those who otherwise remained unclaimed in the local morgue.
Jin did not even have a headstone he could bow to, or a lover he could be interned next to.
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"I'm so sorry, Mathan-ah...." Jin whispered into the wind. "If only I had known..."
Seokjin's tears for Mathan came just as hard and fast as they had for Kim Taehyung and Min Yoongi, and as the pain settled in his chest, he realized just what he had been deprived of; what he had so carelessly allowed to be lost.
"Why didn't you tell us, Chagiyah?" Seokjin asked to no one that could be seen. "Why didn't you say anything? If only we had known... I did not deserve an angel such as you, Mathan Foley. And I could not see you for what you were, an angel sent from heaven to save my brothers and I. I should have...I should have done a lot of things. I should have asked if you were well or...what more I could have done to help you help my family. But I didn't do any of those things and...now I do not have very many members of my family left. We are all succumbing to our grief. Only our sweet maknae and Jiminie remain. For how long...I cannot say..."
Falling to his knees by the sea, Jin beat tightfists against the cold unforgiving earth and screamed, "YOU PROMISED ME FOREVER, MATHAN-AH! AndI betrayed you... I wish I would have fought for you like you did for me. I wish I would have known just how much you meant to me. I wouldhave grabbed on to you and not let them take you away from me; away from your familythat needed you... I should have kissed you one last time. Maybe then you would have confided in me. Maybe then I could leave this world without the loss of you on my soul. It is the greatest sin I have marked against my life. If I wasbrave like Yoongi was... I can't even manage to drink this pain away..."
~oooOooo~
The reporter sitting at the news desk could not control the tears streaming down her face as she faced the camera and spoke.
"Today this news desk is saddened to report the passing of one of only three surviving members of Bangtan Sonyeondan. A party of hikers discovered Kim Seokjin, the eldest member of Bangtan Sonyeondan's body on the cliffs of Jeju Island. While authorities have been unable to pinpoint exactly how long he had been there, preliminary reports state that Mr. Kim passed away from a massive heart attack, caused in part by Broken Heart Syndrome, while visiting the site. So far questioning has been unable to determine why he was there. The remaining members of BTS and Kim Seokjin's family have released a brief statement asking for privacy during this time and confirm that funeral arrangements are ongoing."
