Thorny kind of Love

Chapter 14

Bell's POV

These feelings I'm having for Ben has me left me in a confused state, I want to have something with him; but will it last, he is leaving in a few days, I can't go with him and I hope he doesn't expect me too, I will not leave my dad. He has a whole different life in Germany and I doubt that he will give that up for me and I don't expect him too. This is too complicated and I honestly don't know what answer to give Ben. Then again, we have a few days to decide what could happen, but a few days is too short to decide.

As I lay in my bed, I think about my life and replay it over and over, I have been so focused on managing to survive every day, I have stumbled and fallen, my dad is the most important in my life, I don't have a career and I never took the time to focus on a relationship, I have never put my trust in anyone except my dad and brother and now I don't know what to do, I have never been in such a situation where I am reflecting on my life, I feel alone, this is what Ben is doing to me, I am so confused right now.

This is the time, a girl should have a mom, I cry, toss and turn trying to fall asleep, but it's useless, I stand up and get my earphones from my bag, I play some songs that depress me even more and I end up crying, for the first time in my life, I am feeling sorry for myself. I assure myself that I'm not weak or pathetic and that it's ok to relieve the pain, anger, frustration, and sadness. Maybe I should allow myself some happiness, I want to know what love feels like, even if it's just for a while, I finally fall asleep. In the morning I'm up earlier, I dress, sort out my dad, and leave.

Today I am cleaning rooms, luckily Ben's room was not one of mine. I want to avoid Ben as long as possible, I don't have an answer for him yet. Nadia asked if there was a possibility that I could waitress tonight for a function, Jessica's baby was sick. I was thinking of a way out of it but couldn't, the functions usually end at midnight and then there isn't transport and I'm always the one stuck without transport, Chantal would allow me to sleep in one of the free guestrooms, and then I would just fall into my day shift. I call my brother and ask if he could pick up my dad for the evening, I tell him that I will be working, but I warn him to make it seem like the grandchildren want to spend some time with him and that it wasn't my idea.

I ask Chantal if I could go home to pick up some fresh clothes after my shift, I promise to be back in time for my next shift, she agrees and I hop into a taxi home. My dad is up and seems a bit excited, he tells me that Brian called and asked to come to spend some time with his children. I act surprised and help him pack a few things, when I'm done helping him, I am caring for him not to see me pack, I pack a fresh uniform, underwear, and a toothbrush for myself. My brother's car honks and I make up an excuse to take a lift with to the B&B because I had to take Claudia's uniform that I had in my cupboard to work quickly because she asked me too, she had spilled something over her uniform at work.

My dad seems very excited and hardly greets me when I hop out, I am happy that he is happy. I drop my night bag in the free guestroom and go look for Nadia to run my responsibilities for the function by me. I turn the corner of the passage and almost fall flat, but get pulled up by a familiar figure, Ben.

"Ben I.....," I start as I get up and look into his, there's something in his eyes, a pure and honest, I continue to say, "Can we talk later please, I have to get to my next shift." He doesn't let me go and continues looking at me, I try wiggling loose, it's useless and I look up to him and say, "Ben, I'm going to be late, let me go please." Ben continues holding onto me and says, "I will let you go after this.....," he leans down and gives me one of his hot kisses making my legs wobble. For a moment I forget that anyone can come down the passage at any time, I hold onto him as if my life depends on it.

Oh God, if this is Love don't let it end, please let time be on my side, I don't want to let go of Ben, this is a once in a lifetime I tell myself.