Thorny kind of Love

Chapter 23

Bell's POV

I get up to make us some tea, grief continued to creep up on me, and it was the little things that I remember of my dad that made it harder to cope. I make some tea and found myself making my dad a cup and carrying it to his room, standing in his bedroom doorway and staring at his bed, made reality sink in, my dad was gone and was never coming back. I go sit on his bed, slowly sliding my hand across his pillow, I lift it and take a deep smell. "Bell, you need to apply at college next year," I remember him saying, I delayed every year because I knew that I wouldn't be able to concentrate on studies if he was ill. I pick up the little photo frame and stare at the photo, it was of me and my dad on the day of my matric ball, my dad was so proud of me, "Almost there Bell, " my dad said the day that I went to write my final exam paper.

"Bell, there's someone here for you," Brian calls me, I put down the frame and wipe my tears, a lot of people are visiting and I have to gather the energy to face them. As I enter the living room, I don't see anyone standing by the open door. "Who is it?" I ask Brian. "Oh yes, he is waiting outside," Brian says and continues talking to Ellaine. I go outside and can't believe that Ben is standing there, leaning against his car. My grief is replaced by anger, I don't want to cause a scene so casually walk towards him shooting fire through my eyes, I ask in a hostile way. "What are you doing here?" He looks like he was crying and says, "Bell, I am sorry for your loss." I accept his sincerity and then he continues, "Can we go somewhere and talk please?" he pleads trying to take my hand. I look into his glossy but warm eyes and pull my hand away, "I told you to stay away from me Ben and I meant it, I don't want an explanation from you, I don't want to hear your lies." I tell him bluntly pointing my fingers into his chest while talking.

"BELL LISTEN TO ME." Ben raises his voice, startling me, he pulls me near. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to shout at you." Ben's outburst shocked me, Was he fighting for our love, I look at him and the warm feeling I had towards him returns, the feelings I had surfaced, I want to cry and I want him to hold me, to take me away from the pain I am feeling, he looks at me, so weak, broken and vulnerable at the same time, but I can't let my guard down for a second time and can't forget what I heard from the two females in Ben's room, so I say calmly, "I think its best that you leave.....I don't want you near me, I don't want to talk, we are done...do you understand that Ben, I wish that I had never met you, Go and never come back."

I turn to leave as the tears flow down my face, Ben grabs my arm, turns me and I bury my face in his chest, taking in the smell that once overwhelmed me, I try to pull away, but Ben's hold is too strong. "I am leaving tomorrow Bell, my flight leaves at 12h30 pm, please come with me." My heart jumps saying, "Yes," but I knew the reality of my situation, my dad still needs to be buried and there are too many things I need to do and after everything that happened with Ben, I didn't trust him anymore and right now I deny my heart and speak my mind, I push him away gently and softly say truthfully, "What we had was amazing and I enjoyed every minute with you, I loved you with all my heart, Ben." He opens his mouth to say something, but I stop him. I realize for what I am about to lie, I need to look convincing, so I stare him directly in his eyes and say, "But it's over Ben...I don't love you anymore." Ben looks broken and I can't stand to see the pain in his eyes, so I turn and walk away, I try not to cry and walk into the house without looking back.

"Who was that?" Brian asks as I enter. I think quickly and lie, "Ben is Flynn's friend, and he sent him to ask if we need any help with the funeral arrangements." Brian and Ellaine gather their things and say goodbye. Once they leave, I run to my room throw myself flat down on my bed and I let my pain out. After crying for hours nonstop, I fall asleep.

Ben's POV

As I'm driving towards Bell's house, I silently pray and hope that she will see me, I sit in my car for a while and prepare myself for what I want to say to Bell, but the most important reason that I came, was to make sure that she is ok. I slowly and softly knock on the door. A man opens the door, he has the same eye color as Bell's, I assume its Bell's Brother Brian, I reach out my hand and say, "Good day, I'm sorry for your loss." He looks a bit confused as to who I am but takes my hand and accepts my condolences by saying, "Thank you." I apologize for not introducing myself, "Oh, I'm sorry, my name is Ben and I'm here to see Bell." He lets go of my hand and moves towards the living room shouting, "Bell, there's someone here for you." I thank him, "Thank you, I'll wait outside if that's ok." He nods his head and continues talking to another lady sitting on the couch, must be Ellaine, his wife, I tell myself as I make my way outside.

A few minutes later, Bell comes walking towards me, I take in the sight of her presence and my body fills with warmth inside, she looks hurt, yet so vulnerable, my eyes felt a bit teary, I didn't mind that she was angry, I was just happy to see her. "What are you doing here?" She snaps at me, tearing me out of my gaze and I remember the most important reason for my visit, "Bell, I am sorry for your loss." She softens a bit and accepts my condolences, looking into her eyes, I remember why I fell in love with her and I realize that I cannot let her go. "Can we go somewhere and talk please?" I plead taking Bell's hand. She pulls her hand away and looks at me, I see the hurt and betrayal in her eyes. "I told you to stay away from me Ben and I meant it, I don't want an explanation from you, I don't want to hear your lies." She says coldly as she points her finger into my chest. I don't want to see Bell like this, I feel lost and I need her to calm down and listen to me.

"BELL LISTEN TO ME." I raise my voice desperately and pull her near, she looks scared, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to shout at you." I'm an idiot, I tell myself. Bell calms down slightly and says, "I think its best that you leave.....I don't want you near me, I don't want to talk, we are done...do you understand that Ben, I wish that I had never met you, Go and never come back."

I suddenly feel as if I cannot breathe, this is not how things were supposed to turn out, I tell myself. I pull Bell close and hold her as tight as I can, I cannot lose her, I'm afraid. "I am leaving tomorrow Bell, my flight leaves at 12h30 pm, please come with me," I say in a desperate attempt not to let her go. She pushes me away gently and softly says, "What we had was amazing and I enjoyed every minute with you, I loved you with all my heart Ben." I want to tell her that I love her too, but she stops me, looks me into my eyes, and says, "But it's over Ben...I don't love you anymore."

The words were like a thread of thorns squeezing and puncturing a hole in my lungs, I struggled to breathe, I knew I hurt Bell terribly and was hoping to receive her forgiveness, I even understood the part that she would never want to see me again, but nothing prepared me for those words, it hurt. A part of me believed her and knew that I deserved it, but another part believed that it was the pain talking.

As I drive away from Bell's home, tears roll down my face, I cannot blame Bell for hating me, she warned me not to lie to her or take her for a fool, and I found myself doing every day. We had our moments where we were open and honest with one another about our ex-partners and not once did I mention Polla when she called, I lied to Bell, and then she had to find out through someone else. I should have been upfront with, realizing now that Bell would've understood and now she still has to deal with her Dad's death and I won't be by her side to comfort her, this was killing me. I realized that me pushing her, will only make things worse, I have to let her go, as much as we were both hurting, I couldn't and wouldn't push her any further.

In my room, I slowly start packing, check-in with Flynn to make sure that he will still take me to the airport. For the first time in my life, preparing for traveling wasn't exciting, I wasn't even concerned about my seating arrangements or extra luggage tomorrow, my heart was the heaviest thing right now.

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Hey Guys..... the next chapter, (Chapter 24-FINAL), will sadly be the last chapter of this book.

I am trying to write a sequel to Thorny kind of Love, which will be Thorny kind of Love 2 (Loose ends)....but this of course depends on what you comment.