A fucked life (very flawful)-Ian Gallagher By: Keirla Olmstead (Book 1)

An abandoned apartment

I get into my car after he goes back inside and leave. I get onto the high way. I have no idea where I'm going but all I know is that I'm going away for a long time. I thought about what he said to me that day. I enjoyed sticking my hand out the window and letting the air go through my fingers. I think about what's fucked up in life which is usually everything for me. Sometimes, I just wished I figured out who I was and that everyone would be okay with it. 

I'm driving on the highway for hours until I finally get off. I end up getting off at the South Side. My home, where I belonged. I didn't belong in a perfect town with perfect people with perfect things and jobs or whatever so. I belonged in a crappy town. In a crappy house. With crappy people and profits. This is my home.

My phone rings so I pull over to a gas station.

"Hello?" I said through the phone.

"Mickey?" a voice said on the other line.

"Mandy?" I replied.

"Hey, is something wrong? I heard that you are staying at Nick's for a while. You only do that to get away from people," Mandy said.

"I'm fine, I'm okay. I'll be home eventually. I just don't know when yet," I said.

"Okay good. What should I tell Ian? I know he'll be worried," Mandy said.

Mandy didn't really know that he was the reason that I ran off.

"Just say something. Make something up. Just make sure he's not too worried. I don't want him looking for me," I said opening my car door.

"Okay. I love you Mick. Please come home,"  

"I love you too. I might be," I said hanging up and closing my car door.

Just then I got a text from him.

Hey Mick. I'm sorry for the harsh talk today but I honestly do think that way. Please just think about it and come to me when you are ready. 
-Ian-

I went into the store and read it a couple hundred times. 

"Do I really want this for myself?"  I thought as I started making my way there.

Believe it or not. I wasn't spending the night at Nick's. Nick had moved to a city 3 hours away and had stopped talking to me. I was going to spend the next couple of nights at my mom's apartment that she used to stay in. She still for no reasons pays the bills even though she doesn't stay in it. She told me about it and said that maybe one night when I go downtown to one of the gay bars that I could bring them in there and have a little fun time. Yes, that's actually what she said.

I arrived at the apartment. The building was practically abandoned and the few people that lived there only lived there to either stay away from their families or deal drugs.

I got out of my car and police sped by. Normal. I grabbed my key and slammed the door shut. I headed inside. There was no one working at the desk so I just welcomed myself in. I open the apartment door. It was dark and smelt bad inside. I remember the stories that my mom used to tell me about when I was little that she didn't take me home until I was 2 or 3. She talked about how good of a sleeper I was and how when I was a kid I didn't make huge messes. She said I was the most normal out of the entire Milkovich's. She said that I have the best future ahead of me. I was her favorite and no one could deny that. She used to let me go where ever whenever. She was the one that let me drop out. I never really thought about how much she had done for me until Ian's mom died. I remembered the first day of school at his school. He was the one that showed me around and told me not to go in that god damn janitor's closet and I listened to him. He was a real pain in my ass. But, I couldn't blame him. I was a Milkovich and that's really the only thing that people knew about me. I don't have a good future ahead of me. I never will.

I set my things on the couch and looked around. It was a decent size and there were two rooms. My room and my mom's when she lived here. My room was a light blue and had a almost-too-small bed for me and my mom had a double bed that she usually slept alone in.

I walked around and looked at everything. I sat down on my bed and looked around in my room. There were pictures hung of me and her when I was first born. I put my head in my hands and rubbed my eyes. Like the thing that you do when you are stressed. 

"Jesus Christ mom! Why couldn't you have your shit together?!" I said ripping down a drawling that I drew of just me and her and threw it across the room.

"Why do you have to be so messed up in the head. Why do you think I'm gay?!" I said pushing some things.

"Why do you love me more than anyone else. Why me?!" I said unmaking my bed.

"Why do you offer more to me than anyone else?" I said calming down.

"Why do you always have to be the only one that really understands me when I really don't want you to be," I said sitting down on my bed. I start crying.