Cold At Dusk

Fifty Four

It was a girl.

She had round large eyes that shone bright with very dark pupils. She seemed amused and curious all at once.

In Kamsi's arms, the baby felt so fragile. The warmth of having her own baby was very soothing. Her joy came with tears trickling down her face as she smiled at the baby.

It was her first time holding a being so heavenly. Just two of them alone. She felt at home.

There was no physical pain or the throbbing heart ache - She was at peace.

The baby's face went from neutral to sad. Soon the tears began then the wailing - the endless loud wailing.

Kamsi tried to stand but her legs were glued to the bed. She tried severally to rise but it was impossible for her to move. In her helplessness, she cried holding her baby closer to her bosom.

In her heart she yelled, she screamed for the doctor but her mouth produced no sound. Each time her lips parted, the sound never left her throat.

The baby's wailing only got louder, more painful, more desperate and the mother's despair got more obvious.

She hugged the baby to her bosom until she could no longer feel her in her arms. She stared at her empty arm- not in shock but with a sense of loss. Quietly, her body quaked in tears as she tried to remember the feel of her daughter's hand in hers.

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"She is awake."

A slim dark nurse stood by watching Kamsi with scrutiny. There was no further movement apart from the initial vibrating of her shoulders and a lone tear on her right eye.

The nurse sighed and looked at Okechukwu.

"She needs to rest," he said.

His eyes focused on the stitches on Kamsi's uncovered stomach. He stared for some time as he tried to process his thoughts.

"I'll speak to the family," he said, exiting the room.

Two nurses remained in the room with Kamsi. They got busy covering her up and the other took out the blood stained sheets.

Kamsi's chest began to heave up and down continuously.

The first nurse ran to the bed and held her hand. "We are here. Wake up."

Kamsi became still but her eyes remained closed.

The young nurse looked away and sighed. The effect of the analgesic did not seem to have worn off. She did not want to be the one with a woman who just lost her baby. She did not want to be explaining and apologizing for her loss. It was her first time being in those shoes and she was not enjoying it.

She had seen pregnant women before and after delivery. Even though she had never experienced child birth, she understood the joy that came with children and she totally understood the grief the woman on the bed would be hit with.

The nurse held Kamsi's hand tighter as she noticed movement in her eyes; they fluttered repeatedly then slowly parted.

"You are alright." The nurse reassured her. "Let me get the doctor."

"My baby," Kamsi weakly said, staring at the nurse. "Is she being washed?"

The nurse stood, still holding her hand. "Let me get the doctor for you."

"Please bring my baby to me!" Kamsi managed to call out to the nurse as she left the room.

Alone, she turned her face to the side. She decided in that instance that her daughter would be called, Gift. Till that moment, she had never talked about names with her husband. It did not matter anymore. Anybody could name the child but she would bear, 'Gift'

Her eyes were heavy and begging to be closed. She obliged but not for long. She stared into space, remembering that night, remembering everything that happened. The hurt from the memory caused her to shiver as she let out a muffled cry.

**************

That night she fell was the night she wanted to leave. She had never thought of it strongly as that night. It felt right, it felt she was strong enough to leave.

She was angry, hurt and disappointed after she sent her cousin away. She fell to her knees in the parlor screaming with very dark and hurting emotions. She had ignored her body telling her rest. She ignored the throbbing headache and the weakness as she expressed her pain.

She got up and ascended the stairs holding the railing for support but it was not enough anchor because when her legs gave way she still went tumbling down. She had no strength to get up, she had no will even. She was tired and somehow at that moment, death sounded pleasing for her. Not for the baby.

She tried to rise but it was a vain effort. It was then she paid attention to the red fluid that had soaked her dress to the ground which was now sticky.

************

On the hospital bed, she could feel that stickiness again. She could feel that wetness, and raising her head a little to look down, she could see the red fluid on the blue hospital sheets.

She was not supposed to be bleeding. It was not normal - she knew that much. As she raised her head about to scream for the doctor, the door burst open. It was Okechukwu and the smallish dark nurse from earlier. He hurried over to her bed and calmly directed the nurse on what to do.

Kamsi's eyes at that time, really wanted nothing more but to be closed.
Okechukwu was saying somethings to her but he sounded distant. He was right beside her but his view was blurring out.

He was with a syringe and still talking but she could not make sense from what he was saying.

She tried to concentrate, to use all her senses at the same time. She wanted to stay awake to see her baby. It was getting harder as time went by. It was getting harder to keep her eyes open. So she let the heavy lids fall.

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