My name is not Blurryface

 chapter 5

7 years later

Josh frowned, feeling his chest tighten as he stared out his window from his bedroom, holding tightly to his blanket that gave him the comfort that he needed. The fireworks of a name blown up in the sky reflected on his eyes that made them shine, he heard cheers and music. "Goodbye, Lila.." He had mumbled to himself, the girl's name blown up in the sky as the pretty firework died in the dark sky and slowly fell apart as it fell down.

He never enjoyed these type of celebrations, the death ones were always the biggest, like they were the most important ones and more focused on, it made josh's stomach hurt as he just couldn't understand it like the rest, he felt left out due to that, all his 'friends like would joke around with him by calling him ignorant anytime josh would question Nico, their god. It hurts josh, whatever bond he had with his friends were far too broken. And he didn't want to be mean, but he was kinda glad it ended.

He came to the conclusion that this town isn't what it says it is, whatever peace and joy you would get from this town, is just you being blinded.

Joshua was awake, he just didn't know it yet. But he had some kind of feeling about it every time he went ahead and peeked at the old poster of the banditos he had gotten from the missing boy years ago, when he was just nine. His mind was foggy, the memory was just broken up into pieces now. He's 16, his childhood is just memories of being scolded by his father for even breathing. Their relationship was far gone now as well.

Josh felt his body tense as his door was knocked on, "come in.." He said, turning his head to face the door as his mother walked in, relaxing his body now. "I'm heading to the party now, josh. Do you need anything?" She cupped his cheek with one hand, lifting his head up a bit which made him playfully roll his eyes. "I'm perfectly fine on my own." He said softly, "do you still feel sick?" She asked her son, Josh nodding to her question and frowning.

"My poor boy, I'm sorry you have to miss this wonderful celebration,, we will bring you back some food. But I have to go now, dare I be more late then I already am for this party. That would disrespect the person." She spoke, "Lila." Josh corrected her, watching her raise an eyebrow. "Who?"

"Her name was Lila and she hung herself.." Josh whispers, "you read the news article I see..I feel so sorry for her parents but her time had came, her life was meant to end short sadly." She spoke, hearing her husband's footsteps up the stairs, he saw his own mother tense up. "I don't know if it was meant to be.." Josh shook his head, "she died because her parents didn't like her for.. being the way she was." Josh found himself shaking, seeing as it be such a sin to like the same gender. Josh didn't know why he was so nervous on the subject, he didn't question his sexuality. He didn't think he needed to, he had his handful of crushes on girls. The only time he ever liked the same gender was that.. missing kid, he forgot his name. Maybe if he finds a news article on him, he will find his name again. Josh remembered feeling weird in his stomach when he came face to face with the boy. Maybe he was just nervous, his anxiety always got the best of him. Always.

"Well, of course, you know how it goes here." His mother said, it made him question her choice of words, how she really felt about it.

"It's time to go." His father said, watching his mother kiss the top of his head, "I'll see you soon, Joshua." She smiled at him softly, waving as josh gave an awkward wave back and watched her slowly shut his door, hearing it shut made him grown as he laid back on the bed, his head at the end of the bed as it dangles off the edge. He stared up at the ceiling, he stared until he felt his head throb and sat up in frustration, picking up his pillow and moving it to the side as he stared at the poster.

'In trench you're not alone'

"Trench..?"

He didn't have a good understanding of all of this, all he knew that it was meant for people who are awake. Was josh awake? He would question that late at night, he was self aware how he would question every choice made in this town, did that make him awake? He still followed the rules, did he do that because he's loyal or because he needed to survive? It finally hit him how bad his father is, it made him tear up as he stared down at the poster.