Red Butterflies

Chapter 8

“You scared me mum.” I said to her. “I’m sorry about the glass.” “I’m sorry I scared you, don’t worry about the glass honey, it’s honestly the least of my worries at the moment.” She replied to me. She walked over and turned the electric kettle on. “Do you want a coffee or Mocha sweetheart?” She asked me. I paused and then rejected it. I watched her make her coffee and then she walked over to the dining table and gestured me to join her once it was ready.  I pulled out the chair that my dad would sit on when he sat at the table and joined her.

“You know, your father bought that coat when we went to Holland, because it was cold. It was expensive. He wore it everywhere. That’s why it is so tattered and old. I was worried about you Sky. Are you okay?” She said to me. Anger grew inside of me. I had just been told my father had died and you’re asking if I’m okay. “Of course I’m not okay!” I yelled at her. “Inside voice Skylar, Ellie is sleeping.” She said calmly to me. “How am I supposed to react mum? You just asked me if I am okay, what a stupid question. I whispered aggravated at her.  “What am I supposed to say Skylar? I don’t know what to say or ask either.” I sighed and looked down as she said that to me. “I think it would be best if I just went to bed mum. I don’t feel like talking at all. Goodnight.” I stood up and walked back into the kitchen and as I passed the counter I noticed a bowl of peppermints. I never really noticed them until now. They were there for my dad. He loved peppermints.

I looked at them and remembered how his breath was always minty when he kissed my forehead. Another tear slipped out of my eye. I grabbed one and put it on my tongue and closed my mouth. I moved it around in my mouth before biting into it and chewing. The ting of the mint lingered in my mouth. I was never a fan of mints but it was comforting. I took another one and walked up to my bedroom. Ellie had rolled over to her side and the snoring had ceased although she was still drooling. “Great” I thought. “I will have to change my pillow case tomorrow.” I took my dad’s coat off and climbed into bed next to her and put my arm around her small body; my beautiful little sister. I guess now we really had to stick together.

There was a slap on my face, I opened my eyes and my sister had rolled over again and slapped me in her sleep. There was light coming through my bedroom window. I got up and tucked Ellie back in before walking down stairs again. Mum was in the kitchen. “I’m not going to school.” I said to her. “And I’m not letting Ellie either.” Mum nodded. I grabbed another peppermint and walked to the living room and curled up on the couch with a blanket. I grabbed the television remote and turned it on. I was still a big kid, watching cartoons, the cartoons they had now are awful though compared to the ones I grew up with when I was Ellie’s age.

I guess it is a little like humans. We all change over time and we grow up. I used to be the happy little girl. I was always outside even though it never was sunny, but on the days where the sun shone high over the tree tops I would take my picnic basket and blanket outside and lay it under my oak tree and look up and the clouds and find pictures amongst. I was oblivious to the outside world. I would always be in my own bubble but in places I could be seen. I would play by myself and pretend I was riding horses in the Wild West or cooking on ‘ready steady cook’ I would sing at the top of my lungs and I was always smiling. My laugh was so easy to create but, I grew up.

Growing up is a part of life, everyone does it and we leave our childish worlds behind. Sometimes I wish I was Peter Pan, I could live on an island and fight crooks and hooks and be friends with lost boys and have my own fairy for a best friend who was protective of me. We make choices and choose our paths while we were young. Sometimes I wish I choose a different path. Sometimes I regret who I have grown up to be; a depressed suicidal girl who is alone, or was alone. I have never had a bunch of friends and sometimes when I see how much backstabbing there is in the world between people; betrayal, I’m glad I’m alone. If you want to keep a secret, secret, the best way to do it is keep it to yourself, the best way to avoid arguments is to not have anyone who could potentially start one. And that’s another part of growing up. Maturing. Not necessarily through puberty but through your language choice, the way you act, the way you portray yourself, your dress sense, your music taste, it’s all part of growing up. It takes courage to grow up and be who you really are but now I understand why Peter Pan never wanted to grow up.

I wasn’t impressed by the cartoons on Cartoon Network so I turned the television off and decided to go back to my bedroom, passing the peppermints and taking another one. Ellie was stretching. “Good morning.” I said softly. She moaned, just like me in the morning. “I told mum we aren’t going to school at all week. She said its fine; do you wanna go downstairs and have breakfast? I’ll make you some pancakes yeah?” I said to her. She nodded without saying a word to me and got out of bed and headed to the bathroom. “Ill go start on them, come down when you’re ready.” I called out as I headed downstairs. I got to the kitchen and ate yet another peppermint and then turned around and pulled out all the ingredients to make pancakes. I hated cooking although I could do it, I guess now that dad isn’t around I’ll be cooking a lot more.

I started putting the ingredients into a bowl and just as I was cracking the eggs Ellie came down stairs with her pig. I smiled at her and she just ignored it and turned to the living room. I guess it was really hurting Ellie, I mean of course it would, it was her dad to, but to me it felt as though it hasn’t happened. I started beating the mixture together until it made a smooth batter and went to heat up the frying pan. I hovered my hand over the frying pan to test the heat and poured the batter into the pan making small circles. I guess you could say they were more like pikelets.

I waited until I could see bubbles forming on the top of them before flipping them. One thing I could cook was pancakes. I made a stack of five on a large porcelain square plate for Ellie and took them out to the dining table and returned to the kitchen and opened the fridge and pulled out butter and maple syrup and took it to the table accompanied with a knife and fork. “Ellie!” I called out to her. “They’re ready, come eat them before they get cold and the butter doesn’t melt on them.” She jumped up straight away and came to the table and sat down. “Thanks Sky.” She mumbled to me. I walked over and kissed her head just before saying “Enjoy my dear.”

I went back to the kitchen and cleaned up the mess I had made. I hated cooking and not cleaning straight after, otherwise if I leave it I won’t feel like cleaning it and I have OCD. Everything must be where it was found and belongs, everything must be straight and in order. Some people just say they have OCD because they have ‘clean’ moments but OCD is not a disease that bothers the mind, it’s a disease that tortures. After I cleaned and washed the dishes and dried them and put them away I leant on the counter and pulled out my phone. After five minutes of trolling through my tumblr I realized I was eating peppermints once again. The bowl was half empty. I had eaten half a bowl of peppermints and I don’t even like them. How unhealthy.

“Ellie, don’t forget to wash your dishes.” I said to her before walking to the bathroom. I stripped and turned the shower on. I looked at my arm. My cuts were starting to heal, but it didn’t stop the sting when the hot water touched it. I spent the majority of my time in the shower just thinking about life and everything that had happened to me. My thoughts were interrupted by my mother banging on the bathroom door. “Skylar Elizabeth! What have I told you about long hot showers! Out, now!” She yelled at me. I groaned and rolled my eyes before turning off the water. I grabbed a towel and wrapped it around me. I dried myself off and red blood marks were left on the white towel. I looked at my arm; my cuts had started bleeding from the friction between itself and the towel. I groaned again and wrapped the towel around myself before leaving the bathroom and heading for my bedroom.

I threw the pillow off the bed that Ellie had been drooling on and dropped my towel. Thank god my blinds were shut or I would have been flashing the birds. I walked over to my drawers and pulled out a pair of undies. I loved my undies. They were all pretty and lined with lace as were my bras. I then walked over to my cupboard and pulled out a singlet and chucked that on. I couldn’t be bothered putting on a bra since I was just going back to bed. I got into bed and put my phone on a piano playlist. Within the first two songs my room grew darker as more clouds filled the sky and rain started pouring on the tin roof. I turned my sound up and concentrated on the sounds of thunder and rain mixing with my piano instrumental before I drifted once again to sleep.