Star Wars: Saviors of the Broken

Chapter XLVIII

"Some among us challenge the last line of the Jedi Code. 'There is no death, there is the Force.' How can we say such a thing when our fellow Jedi, our friends perish on a daily basis? How can we deny that we've lost them? Yet, we never truly lose the ones we love. They are with us in our hearts, and they are with us as part of the Living Force." - Kao Anugh, from Collected Wisdom of the Jedi Masters

"I know you're in there, you piece of rebel scum!" one of the stormtroopers shouted from outside the Z-95. "Open up!"

Pete set Patrick's hat down on the dashboard, and he turned toward the door, his vision still blurry with tears. If Patrick were here, he might have whispered "Holy smokes" and ignited his lightsaber, but he was gone, and Pete wasn't Patrick. He never could be.

As one of the stormtroopers picked the lock on the door, Pete sat in the captain's chair, passively pushing buttons in an attempt to launch the ship before they got inside. However, he didn't particularly care if that happened. He didn't even care if they killed him. He felt empty inside, like there was a Patrick-shaped hole in his heart.

The stormtroopers finally burst through the door and started shooting, and Pete held up his blue lightsaber in a weak attempt to block their shots. However, the stormtroopers were lousy shots as always, and none of their blaster bolts managed to hit Pete. He didn't even have to try to defend himself. With marksmanship this poor, there was no chance of the stormtroopers hitting him at all, let alone killing him.

Within a few minutes, R1 finished launching the ship, and it began to rise into the air. Pete shoved the stormtroopers off of the ship with his lightsaber, and he immediately locked the door as the ship headed into the upper atmosphere. Then, he slumped back into the captain's chair, realizing just how alone he was in the universe.

The only person who truly understood him was gone.

He tried to distract himself by reading over his old poetry, but every bad poem reminded him of Patrick. There was always a line about baby blue eyes or falling in love with his best friend, and now that Patrick had disappeared into the Force, he couldn't bear it. Sometimes, he even read the verses in Patrick's voice. He needed something to take his pain away, but the only thing that ever made him feel better was Patrick. Now, he wasn't sure if anything could ever make him smile again.

Eventually, he turned to the Jedi Masters of the past, hoping that they might give him some consolation, but reading their words didn't help either. They always pointed to the Force giving eternal life, but even if Patrick really was out there somewhere, on some other plane of existence, it didn't make Pete feel any better. He'd never get a chance to see him again, a chance to make more memories.

Besides, what justice was there in killing a sixteen year old? Patrick had done a lot over the course of his lifetime, but he'd never gotten the chance to experience all that life had to offer. To Pete, it felt profoundly unfair that Patrick was dead and he wasn't. Patrick was an angel, while Pete was just the boy who'd had too many chances. If the world was fair, maybe they'd both be alive right now, or maybe they'd be together in death. Maybe Pete wouldn't have an endless longing in his heart, a sorrow that would never go away. Maybe he would be okay.

Pete set a course for Taehwa, but he didn't know how he would face the other rebels when he got there, or how he would go on living without Patrick. Already, he knew the wheat fields on Taehwa would only remind him of the days he'd spent with Patrick, gazing at the stars, chasing him through the stalks, listening to his soul voice. He was convinced that Patrick was the one for him. Without him, he was hopeless.

Eventually, the Z-95 landed on Taehwa, and as he headed for the door, Pete couldn't have possibly felt worse. He shed another tear as he gathered up what remained of his beloved boyfriend, and just as he was about to open the door, he collapsed to the ground. "I can't do this, R1," he said.