Us, Colliding

CHAPTER TWELVE

Neri has left me. I stand on the sandy shore awkwardly, waiting for her return.

A few people pass me, tourists mostly - probably heading back to their hotels after a day on the beach - I look the other way; pretending to be enthralled by something on the horizon.

There is nothing there but I'd rather avoid their eyes and awkward small talk by staring off into the distance.

At first I felt lame, staring at nothing, but then it occurred to me how beautiful the sky looks right this evening.

The sun, a golden orb, slowly fading into the horizon; the sky a pale orange blended with hues of deep blue and purple.

The ocean, calm and gentle with waves reflecting golden light.

I've been so self involved lately, I've failed to notice the beauty which surrounds me, the vast array of trees and other vegetation which borders the white sand of the beach.

It's all so alien to me.

I spy Neri jogging towards me, she's changed her clothes - she wears a black bikini top and cut off shorts, she's carrying towels.

Uh oh.

"Phew," she pants, handing me one of the beach towels she's brought, "I need to get fitter."

I look at the towel, "you going swimming?"

Neri looks up at me, a small smile plays on her lips, giving her an impish sort of look.

"kind of," she replies.

I raise a brow, "kind of?"

Without warning, she grabs my hand.

Her palm is warm and sandy in mine, she's petite but manages to drag me down the beach, past the cove, further than I've explored before.

"Where are we going?" I gasp as I'm dragged unsteadily down the beach.

"Cober Rock," Neri says, and as the words leave her lips I spy a huge shadow on the horizon - or a shadow is how it appears.

Like some sort of behemoth it looms into view, backlit by the setting sun, strangely ominous and foreboding.

"Cober Rock?" I repeat quietly, I'm not dumb, I researched Sulani before I came here. I sat on my phone one night reading about all of the sights and tourist attractions, watched a couple of vlogs and one place which always came up is Cober Rock.

Not my kind of place at all.

"You can't be serious," I say as we approach the gigantic igneous monstrosity.

"Of course I am, come on, it's low tide, there's no one around and you definitely need to blow off some steam."

I hate that everyone is always so quick to judge me, that I'm so easy to read.

I'd protest that I don't have my costume, but I know Neri never takes no for an answer.

I watch mutely as she kicks off her flip flops and ties her hair into a messy bun.

"I promise you you'll love it," Neri smiles and I almost believe her, "Cober Rock gives perspective - once you jump and hit that water, you'll feel like a different person. People come here to wash away their worries."

My stomach clenches.

"Come on," she says, "follow me. You're going to feel so invigorated!"

I highly doubt it.

I kick off my sandals and wiggle out of my denim skirt, leaving my tank top on and follow her around to the side of the rock.

There's a small climb, the rock has been smoothed by countless human feet, each person climbing it's face in order to jump into the deep azure water below.

To wash away their worries.

It's not as high as I figured from down below on the beach. The water is deep, waves practically non existent and the sky is now a deep blue tinged with purple.

A smattering of sparkling stars twinkle down upon us.

Neri takes my hand and I glance over at her.
"Do you trust me?" She asks, "you don't have to do this, but I think you should."

I peer over the edge and my stomach flips. I'm afraid.

Can I do this? I'm not a strong swimmer, but Neri is here. I'm in Sulani, it's practically mandatory that you do the Cober Rock jump while you're here.

"I don't know," I reply.

"You know, it's a New Moon tonight," Neri says, she looks up to the stars, a curl of her hair has come loose from her bun and it caresses her cheek in the warm summer breeze. "New Moon signifies new beginnings, it's the time for change."

I don't say anything, I don't know what to say.

"You can set an intention at any time, but now, under the night sky, with the ocean - you can be sure whatever change you want to see or make will have the moon's blessing."

I nod. I don't know. I don't know what I want.

"Think about it," Neri says turning to me with a small smile, she squeezes my hand and then lets go, running to the edge of the rock she dives over the edge.

I hold my breath as I watch her, she's so graceful.

I see her resurface and she laughs, "take your time, Myra!" She calls.

I stare up at the stars, so many now.

The air is warm but clean and fresh. I breathe in deeply.

What is it I want?

I just to stop feeling so unhappy. I don't want to be at odds with my body anymore. I don't want to feel like I don't know who I am. I don't want to be awkward.

I realise I'm thinking about what I don't want.

How am I even messing this up?

"It's ok if you don't want to!" Comes Neri's voice, "we can do this another day!"

I swallow, peering over the edge again. It's getting darker. I want to jump, I do, but my legs won't move. My heart is in my mouth. My stomach is tense and my head aches with pressure.

It's just a few steps, one jump.

Why is this so hard?

I can't- I step back, I can't do it.