Us, Colliding

CHAPTER FOUR

Although my mum and I are drastically different in personality and looks, we're alike psychologically I guess- although part of me hates to admit it.

Growing up without a Dad was tough on me, I suppose mostly because it left me with this feeling of being unlovable and worthlessness.

I don't want to sound needy or insecure, so I hide my feelings, but deep down I realise that that's exactly what I am and the same goes for my mother, only we deal with our insecurities in completely opposite ways.

Mum seeks attention, she wants to be treated like a princess, she wants to remain beautiful forever, she wants men to fall for her and she wants to be well liked.

I would rather hide in the shadows, I've never had a serious boyfriend (and I don't think I want one) my only friends are Paula and Kelsey and I kind of like it that way.

Making friends and falling in love only open the door to heartbreak and drama - I don't want that. Seeing my mother start a new relationship every month and seeing the fall out when it ends is enough to put me off in depth human interaction forever.

This feels paradoxical because I so desire a true connection but I guess you could say I am afraid.

I walk up the beach and back towards the house I'll be calling home for the next 10 days, all the while thinking about my talk with Neri.

That instant friendship has 100% confused my brain. I have never spoken to someone about my past, my feelings and my fears before. I frown as I approach the house - I'm not sure I like this feeling, this vulnerability.

'There she is!' A voice greets me as I rub my bare feet on the door mat, trying to disperse some of the sand from between my toes.

Dad smiles at me warmly, his arms wide awaiting a hug. I stand there and gawp at him awkwardly. I don't want to hug. I feel weird.

'Too soon, huh?' He smiles, 'that's ok, I made some spaghetti - it was your favourite when you were small.'

I'm too warm for spaghetti and my stomach is churning with nerves but I don't want to appear ungrateful so I nod instead and he leads me to the breakfast bar.

Dad isn't as tall as I remember but everything else about him is how I imagined.
The ears! Those bloody Dove ears! Of all the physical attributes which could be inherited within a family, it's the ears that nature decided to bestow upon us and pass down the generations. My great granny had them, my grandad, my dad and of course me. I doubt I'll ever stop hating them.

Dad is medium height and slim, he wears a floral shirt which leaves his tanned arms exposed. His hair is a sandy brown - bleached  golden by the sun and his skin is weathered and lined, crows feet wrinkles are permanently etched around his eyes giving him a friendly, amused look.

On the breakfast bar sits a plate of cold garlic bread, dad turns the hob up on the cooker to boil the pasta.

'Good day?' He asks me, stirring the mince and sauce which is bubbling away.

'Yeah,' I reply, scooting onto a stool, my wall is up and not sure whether I really want to divulge any details about my time on the beach.

'I'm sorry I couldn't come pick you up,' dad continues, 'I've been helping clean up the sea and this morning we had a beached turtle, she needed medical attention and I couldn't leave her until I knew she was ok...'

I shrug, 'it's ok.'

Dad places a steaming plate of food in front of me with a smile.

'I don't know how much your mother has told you about me,' he says, 'but I'm a veterinarian out here, I specialise in aquatics.'

I didn't know this and part of me is impressed, the only thing I know about my dad is that he left us.

'So, I appreciate this is weird for you, Myra, but I really want to use this summer as a way to get to know one another better.'

I nod slowly, 'I'd like that,' I say and I'm surprised to find that I think I mean it.

Dad smiles shyly, 'good,' he says, 'so tell me, what do you like? What's Myra Doves idea of a good time?'

I shrug.

'Ah, come on chuck, you can't say you want us to get to know each other better and then not give me anything.'

He's totally right.

'What's your best subject at school?'

'My best is history,' I say, 'but my favourite is music.'

'Ahh, a musician!'

I scowl, 'well, I wouldn't go that far...'

'So, who are you into? What's your go to jam?'

I laugh, 'jam? Really?'

Dad chuckles, 'yeah, alright, I'm old, but honestly, educate me - who do you like to listen to?'

'Well, I guess I'm a little weird...' I start, 'I'm not really into current music...'

'That makes two of us...'

'I like electronica- specifically 80's'

'Ahh! The 80's!' Dad practically claps his hands with delight.

'You like?'

'I was in my prime in the 80's!' He slides off his stool, 'your age, in fact. Listen to this-'  he pauses 'Alexa - play Blue Monday by New Order'

As soon as that jackhammer beat starts to play i feel like my anxiety is ebbing away.

'Oh man, this is such a good one!' I laugh as my dad starts doing some seriously embarrassing dance moves around the kitchen.

Maybe I didn't just inherit the Dove ears, maybe I inherited the Dove music taste too.

He slides awkwardly towards me and attempts to pull me off the stool - he wants me to dance but there is absolutely no way I am up for that.

Thankfully a buzzing in my pocket saves me - my phone is ringing.

I gesture for him to stop the music and answer my mother's call.

'Myra!' She screeches, 'why haven't you called me?!'

'I text you!' I reply, I can imagine her pineapple hairstyle shaking angrily, 'what's wrong?'

'I didn't receive a text,' Mum snaps, 'your father was supposed to call me as soon as you arrived! I've been worried sick!'

'I'm sorry,' I mumble, 'I tried to text you. I'm absolutely fine.'

'Put your father on, please.' Mum said firmly and I scowl. I know that tone, it's the 'you're going to get it in the neck' tone.

I extend the phone to my dad who frowns, 'good luck,' I mutter as he takes it from me.

I flop heavily onto the bed in the spare room and close my eyes. I fall asleep to the sound of my dad's fury. Just like old times.