Us, Colliding

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

Noise pollution.

That's what ruins this view back in Oasis Springs, the sky with its constant amber grow, like the clouds are on fire and the moon and stars cannot peer through the thick oppressive smog.

Here in Sulani the sky is clear, the breeze is warm and the stars are twinkling clusters of white light smattered across a blanket of black.

We lay side by side on matching beach towels, Neri's thick hair is loose and fans out across the pink cotton, her hands are clasped on her chest and she's lost in thought as she stares up at the cosmos.

We've been quiet for a while now, it's not that uncomfortable silence which I want to fill, it's pleasant and puts me at ease– like lying down after a stressful day. It's one of those moments I'd like to bottle and keep for ever so I can revisit it, over and over again.

"Tell me about your mum," Neri whispers softly, her eyes still focusing on the stars, "what is she like?"

I frown and lick my lips.

"What do you want to know?"

Neri is quiet for a moment, thinking, I guess.

The only sound is the creaking palms in the summer breeze and the whispering of the surf with its gentle to and fro.

"I don't know," Neri says, "Just what you do together, if you get on, that kind of stuff."

I fiddle with a strand of my hair, "Well," I say, "We do get on, really well I guess. We've always looked out for each other and I help mum out in her salon on the weekends after school. I'm thinking of working there full time when I get back home – I want to save some money for a car so I don't have to rely on her lifts so much."

"That's cool that your mum has a salon – although you don't strike me as the sort of person who'd make much small talk while painting someone's nails..."

I laugh, "Nah, I mostly just make the appointments, you know, answer calls, place orders and clean up - that kind of stuff. I don't think my mum would let me near any of the clients. I think if I turned round and asked her if I could become a beautician though she'd die of happiness."

"She wants you do follow in her footsteps?"

"Sort of, she's always trying to make me more "girly" as she puts it. One time she highlighted my hair and it looked absolutely awful. I cried so much, mum said I looked pretty but I didn't think so. I think I looked like a try hard, like someone else. It was awful."

"I don't think you need highlights to look pretty," Neri says, she turns to me, brown eyes shining, "You're already pretty."

I meet her gaze but promptly turn away, the way she says it I can tell she truly means it, when mum says it I feel like her idea of what's beautiful and my ideas are totally different.

I think Neri is pretty – beautiful, in fact.

My mum would want to tame her curls or put make up on her, but Neri doesn't need that, she's stunning without it all.

I'm not, I'm plain.

My skin is pale and my hair is a weird honey colour, my eyes are boring shade of grey and of course I have those huge, sticky-out ears – I hate the way I look.

"Thanks," I say finally, "I don't think so though."

I can tell Neri wants to protest so I blurt "I cut it all off."

"What?"

"My hair, after the highlights," I turn back to her, "I couldn't stand it – people looked at me, my friends said I looked amazing, but it was all fake."

Neri nods.

"It was short then, and my mum went absolutely berserk, she had to tidy it up – because I did it myself it was all wonky and it looked even worse than before."

"Why did you cut it? Why not dye it?"

"I don't know, it was like I was someone else, I needed to change it so I just hacked it all off."

"Wow."

I nod.

We're quiet for a few moments again, I stare up at the stars – I haven't seen any meteors yet.

"What was it like when your dad left?" Neri asks.

I shrug, "I was too little to care – I was five and one day he just wasn't there anymore."

"Was your mum ok? Losing your dad like that?"

"She was kind of screwed up, but she was seeing this guy soon after – I can't remember his name, and then when they broke up she met someone else pretty quick – Mum was never alone for long – I think that confused me more than anything, I kept asking if the next one would be my new daddy. It's like, I didn't miss my daddy as such, I just missed having a daddy."

Neri nods.

"What about you, your parents," I ask, "what are they like?"

It's a bold question, one I feel weird for asking, but I am trying to open up to Neri in the hopes that she'll do the same.

"I can't talk about them," Neri says, quietly, "I'm sorry."

I shake my head, "It's OK," I say.

"When I talk about them I feel things," she goes on, "It's like everything that happened replays in my mind, all the emotions. It's too much." I glance over at her and see a tear slide down her cheek.

I understand that feeling, I have them too – memories which are so painful that talking about them is reliving the situation all over again.

"I understand that," I whisper, giving her hand a small squeeze.

Neri turns to face me, her eyes are shining in the moonlight, her skin has a pale silver glow, she reaches forward and touches my cheek - I freeze for a moment.

I tingle where she caresses my skin as though tiny sparks of light glitter in the wake of her finger tips.

Neri smiles and I smile back, without a word she leans in and kisses me.

I don't remember kissing her back but I suppose I must have.

It feels so different to kissing Hanu, there's no roughness, not probing tongue, no hand holding me in place – this kiss, this feels like I wanted my first kiss to feel - not like some battle but something gentle and sweet and in that moment time stands still.

There's nothing else, just her lips on mine.

We break apart and wordlessly Neri turns her face back to the sky, I continue to look at her, her large eyes framed by thick, dark lashes, her beautiful skin and her full, sensuous lips.

What just happened?

I feel confused but also like something made sense just then, like something fell into place.

I turn back to the sky just in time to see a star plummeting on the horizon, a flash of bright light across the glittering night.

The waves crash and the summer breeze lifts my hair and sends it swirling around my face.

Neri's fingers are entwined in mine and in that moment -

I feel peace.