Freedom- Yoongi BTS

16

I came to my sense slowly, felling something soft against my face I sought comfort on that surface; my body still trying to go off that deep state of slumber I was in.

I opened my eyes, only to be greeted by a smiling plushy of Totoro, placed in front of my face, and finally explaining the source of that soft spot I was feeling.

I sat up, rubbing the sleep off my eyes, trying to find a reason behind that wrong sensation who was hunting me, crawling into my stomach.

When it finally clicked into me, the situation was far from pleasant, torn and mixed images of yesterday' events exploded in front of my eyes.

Only one second ago I was in clean clothes, but then all I could see was blood covering my hands and staining my clothes.

My breathing got rugged, my body shaking, as panic was crushing me again.

I felt bile rise up my throat, burning it; and I rushed to the bathroom, knocking down the covers in the process.

I fell on the floor, my knees hitting hard the wood, probably bruising; I had a first strong and terrible conato, soon followed by another, stronger than the previous one.

I couldn't breathe, my throat was blocked by the bile who was trying to get its way out of me, my lungs were on fire, trying desperately to get a small drop of oxygen, and my vision blurry from the tears.

I felt a soft hand caressing my back, while another was getting my hair out of the way; soft words who seemed senseless where whispered to me, somehow managing to calm me down slightly.

When I was done, or at least, felt like it, Yoongi wiped my mouth with a wet wipe, and ,slowly, I got up and we exited the small bathroom, whit the boy carrying almost my whole weight, as my body seemed too weak to work on his own.

"Do want to go back to bed?" he asked softly.

I shook my head, deciding against it, and he took me outside, helping me sit at the small table set up.

Yoongi went back inside, returning soon after with a bottle of water and some crackers and placing them in front of me.

I shook my head again, refusing to eat; in my clouded mind it seemed unfair to eat when that small puppy couldn't anymore.

"You have to drink something at least April" the boy said in a stern voice "I don't want you to pass out again."

When he realized I was refusing to move, he took the bottle and placed it on my lips, forcing me to drink it.

Cool and refreshing water came down my throat, partially healing the burning pain who was hunting me.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

After some time I had finally calmed down a little , a cup of hot chocolate placed in front of me and my body had recharged a little bit, I was finally able to speak "I'm sorry you had to see me like this" my voice hoarse "It's fine " he answered "you have seen me at my worst too"

I nodded, still feeling bad; "I don't want to go back today."

"you don't have to " he answered " last night a nurse called, probably to check in, and she explained to me the situation. They all understand, and you are free to take some time to cool off."

I nodded, thankfull and at the same time still a little embarrassed for the whole situation.

What they'll think of me?

Am I a just a coward in their eyes?

"I don't know how to deal with this" I said "in med school they don't teach this kind of things"

"it'll be hard at first, but you'll learn to." He said "we all make mistakes."

"you don't know anything!" I almost shouted, my throat screaming in pain "I just think, I should have tried harder, I should have got there faster " I said "maybe if I didn't leave his side..." there I was, panicking again at the idea of all things I could have done.

"You did everything you could" he said "You know, when we make mistakes we get scolded a lot; and it's hard after some time." He paused, before adding "but we learned to treasure those mistakes, as a way to get better and grow."