Freedom- Yoongi BTS

19

We stayed in front of the lake for endless time, enjoying the peaceful silence, interrupted only by the chanting crickets.

Only when both of our stomach had rambled way too many times, we forced ourself to get up, and slowly made our way back to the van, careful not to fall.

When we reached Betty, I started to cook something for dinner, while Yoongi was getting the table ready.

Somehow it felt strange to do that task after nearly a week of not doing it, as my mind was too fogged up to work properly.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

I placed two steaming dishes in front of us and I sat down.

Yoongi thanked me for the food before digging in completely.

I took a bite, sighing contently when different flavors exploded in my mouth. Only in that moment I realized how starved we were.

I looked to the boy sat in front of me, his mouth stuffed with food, his cheeks a little rosy and in his eyes there were a hint of happiness.

We exchanged a quick look, he gave me a small smile and blushed fiercely when a small bite escaped his lips, stealing a laugh from me.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Several moments later, empty plates were in front of us, and our stomachs full.

"April" the singer called me "the reason why I can't be alone ..."

He stopped, seeming hesitant to continue; I nodded, encouraging him to open up.

"I- I-..." he stuttered, not being able to continue, as his eyes got glassy and his whole figure started to shake slightly.

"Yoongi, you don't have to tell me if you are not ready" I said softly.

"N-no, I want to " he answered "I have to." He almost whispered this last part.

He took a deep breath, before speaking "I was only four years old when it happened, but I still remember it so visibly as it was yesterday."

His eyes focused on a point behind me, but I knew his mind was running back at that time.

"My parents worked a lot, so I used to spend the day with my grandma."

"I really enjoyed spending time with her; she used to play with me and tell me ancient stories. It didn't matter if they weren't real or if I knew them by heart, I still enjoyed them" he said while fill up his glass.

"That day I was sick" he said while taking a sip "I had a strong fever, but she didn't have any meds to give me"

He paused, collecting himself before continuing "She went out to buy some, leaving me alone in house to rest, as I wasn't able to stand on my own."

A tear escaped his eye, but he didn't seem to notice "I waited hours, even thought, to four years old me it looked like days."

Another tear followed the first one "she didn't come back."

"I only saw my mum, looking so broken, who came to take me home." He exhaled a shaky breath "only months later, she explained to me what happened."

He was fully on crying now, so I gave him a tissue "she already had a weak heart, and that day, she felt sick but nobody was there to help her."

He looked at me for the first time "Maybe, if I wasn't sick..." he slowly trailed off "it's all my fault" he said and broke down completely.

"Yoongi" I called him softly "I want you to hear me now and remember this words okay?" I said while titling his chin up, forcing him to face me.

"It's not your fault" I said "It could have happened any other day, and even if you were with her you couldn't have done anything to save her."

He nodded, and proceeded to dry his tears.

After a while, when he seemed to have calmed down slightly, he spoke again "Now you know why I can't be alone."

"The other member know this?" I asked

"No. I never said anything because I was scared of their reaction." He answered

"Besides, we are always together, if not in the same room, at least in the same building, and I never had much problem with that."

I nodded, before speaking "I think you should tell them anyway, open up a little, I think they will help you."

He seemed hesitant, but nodded anyway.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

I looked at the boy who was busy cleaning the dishes, as he asked me to do so.

He was visibly more relaxed after telling me a part of his past, I could see it was hunting him, eating him alive; and, finally, he let it go.

I just wish I could do the same.