From Dusk Till Dawn

Chapter Eighteen

Back in the house, I received a call from Mum seeing how I was doing and Mrs. Collins called as well to see if there were any news and I told her I still don't know where Amy was. The following day I decided to go to work for my mind was now calmer that I knew Amy was safe and sound. It was selfish of me not telling the Collins about Amy's whereabouts but I didn't want to put Ellie in trouble for hiding Amy from all of us the way she did. Then again it was all Amy's plan and Ellie wasn't the only one to blame. Actually, Amy too wouldn't have thought of doing all of this if it wasn't for my stupidity and again for the millionth time it was all my fault. Again and again and again.

"You know what I think? Your life will shift 180 degrees and become way better when you change your way of thinking," Mum said as I sat across from her at her office telling her all that happened and what was on my mind. She was relieved to know Amy was well and promised not to tell a soul that I told her all of this. "You keep blaming yourself all the time, then you end up having no energy to actually discuss the situation with Amy and you both keep it all bottled up. You rarely talk about your problems and you blaming yourself won't help it. Things like this must be discussed between two mature people instead of trying to fix it on your own because, guess what? It won't work. Ever." Mum continued. In my defense I said nothing. I looked at my hands that were in my lap and thought of words to say but found none. "honey, listen, what you do helps no one. You should've talked to Amy about your fears and how frustrated you were. She's been putting up with you for years and you know she would've listened."

"But she never talked to me either. All those years she had been keeping her feeling to herself and it kept building up." I said. "Maybe because you weren't there, or maybe she has the same mindset as you, it doesn't matter really. What matters is that it's wrong. You can't keep the bond you have stable if you don't communicate."

I put my face in my hand knowing Mum's words were true. It was because I wasn't there all the time for Amy. That was what made her struggle alone in fixing this relationship. Then I ended up keeping my feelings to myself as well. "I didn't mean to make her feel like I was pitying her," I said at last to mum because I knew this was Amy's breaking point. "No one meant to make her feel like this, but we did because we feel bad for her, we pity her Travis and you know it. It's not your typical kind of pity, though. We don't pity her because we think she's weak but because we love her and we know how much she's lost. It's not considered pity even if you made it seem like it. But you know deep down that you feel this way, it's human nature, son, you can't deny it... You just showed it the wrong way and you didn't talk to her about it when you should have. It all brings us back to the same point, Travis, you didn't communicate the way you should have had."

"What should I do now? Should I go talk to her?" I asked feeling as lost as I could ever be. "I think you better give her some time, first." Mum hesitantly said before quickly adding, "You know, I think you should do what you feel is right, though. I mean if I were you I would give her some time but I'm not you and I don't know Amy as much as you do. I am not a part of this relationship and no one else is but you and Amy. Think it through, honey, and do what you feel is right for the both of you."

Mum's words were spinning in my head that night and the night after it and the one that followed. It had been three days since I saw Amy and I returned to my normal routine of going to work and I even worked harder than ever to make it up to mum. But all this time my mind was only busy with Amy. Ellie told me she spoke to her parents and told them she knows where Amy is but she didn't tell them the exact place and she took all the blame by herself. She told them Amy wanted a break but never told them why. Never told them it was because of me. Ellie also didn't visit me the past days because we know she didn't need to anymore. However, our daily phone calls were still going. A week had passed and I still didn't know what to do. Ellie told me not to come over again because it would be a risk and she wanted Amy to keep her peace of mind until she was really ready to get back with me. On the seventh night while I laid awake on the bed. My mum's words were still in my ears saying I should do what feels right. What felt right to me was to have Amy in my arms. But the thing was, I didn't know whether what felt right was selfish or not. Whether what felt right for me was right for Amy or not. I didn't know how she would react if she knew I knew her place. I remembered how she looked the last time and recalled the sound of her voice as she stood in her striped pajamas asking about my wellbeing. I smiled at the memory of my name leaving her lips like a smooth melody. And smiled wider when I thought about Ellie telling me that Amy never asked about my wellbeing before that day. The idea of my fate bringing me to her on that specific day to hear her ask how I was doing, was soothing to me. Even if it hurt me to know she never asked about me before, but at least she told Ellie to stay by my side and that was enough to know she still cared. Between my thoughts, I still had no answer to why especially on that day at that time, she asked about me. When I recalled the events of those few minutes I realized what had happened. I realized why she looked in my direction and how her eyes softened all of a sudden. Amy knew I was there.