[ Architecture of a Heart ] - WooSan

Chapter 17

The first thing he saw when he woke up was Shiber, the gift he gave San for Christmas. It took him a few seconds to remember why it wasn't his white dog instead, and when it dawned on him that he wasn't in his room, he didn't feel as panicked as he thought. Instead, he slowly sat up, ruffling his hair and adjusting his clothes. He felt dirty and sticky, being dressed to go out on a january morning and definitely not to sleep on a bed with a heater in the vicinity. He desperately needed a shower. He looked around him, finding San knitting something at his desk, absorbed in the repetitive movements. He was turning his back to him, and Wooyoung took some time to just look at him.

The first time they met, if he had to be honest with himself, he had been kind of a jerk. Sure, he ended up helping him, but he didn't even let him finish to talk before heading out and had been overall very dismissive. And yet, San kept being cheerful and open, always talking to him with a smile. He couldn't even imagine doing that kind of thing to him now. In fact, he was even a bit angry at himself for acting like that. He had his reasons at the time, but now that he looked at said reasons they didn't feel justified.

San messed up a loop, swearing under his breath, and Wooyoung kept staring at him, still not warning him that he was awake. Truth be told, San had done a lot for him. Even in small ways, he always went out of his way to make his day a little brighter. Sometimes he'd wake up early to be with him waiting for the bus. Wooyoung knew that he didn't have any classes to go to those days, but he never mentioned it, because he did the same thing. He didn't have any proof of that, but he felt like he knocked at his door for random things every time he felt down. And there was the white stuffed dog, carefully put beside his pillow, mirroring Shiber in his bed. The soft touches, the encouragements, the smiles. Everything that made him so bright, so warm, a sun that left him in the dark when he was away. It was kind of pathetic, how desperate for his light he had become. How he withered in his absence and breathed better close to him.

How he loved him.

He exhaled shakily, grabbing the sheets to ground himself.

He loved him.

San turned around, alerted by the small sound, and smiled so hard his eyes turned into two slits. Wooyoung's heart shattered.

"You're up ! How are you feeling ?"

"I'm good", he lied quietly, or maybe he didn't lie, he wasn't sure at this point.

"It's past noon already", San said, putting down his work. "We should get something to eat. I don't have much here, I wasn't planning on being a host today. Let's go to the convenience store."

"I would like to wash up a bit before", sighed Wooyoung, tugging at his shirt.

"Do you feel good enough to go back to your apartment ?" said San, worried.

Wooyoung's mind went back to the ruins of his model, broken on the floor. He felt himself deflate, physically and mentally.

"Nevermind, you can shower here", decided immediately San, getting up and holding out his hand. "Give me your keys. I'll clean up your place while you wash yourself."

Wooyoung hesitated, but quickly caved in when San made a small noise to insist. He felt bad that someone else was going to pick up the pieces of his own mess, but who was he to say no to him ? So he watched him go, stopping right before he closed the door.

"By the way, take some of my clothes, you can't put that back. Don't worry about your style, I won't judge."

And just like that, he was gone. Emptying his mind, Wooyound obeyed, choosing the dullest clothes available and going to the bathroom. Similar to his, but ever so slightly different. It felt good to let the water wash his tension away, and he was almost peaceful when he came to the part where he had to put on what he knew San had been wearing at some point. He couldn't really look at himself in the mirror once dressed, but he could mostly deal with it as long as he didn't breathe too hard or thought about how it was a bit too large. He could do this. After roughly drying his hair with a towel, he got out at the same time San came it.