All Things Mortal! (The Cruel Prince One shots/Fanfic)

Chapter 1 : Google is wrong!

"Hello folks, this is your host, the most handsome, charming and delicious .... Cardan Greenbriar! "

Jude scowls from where she stands and whacks my arm. I grin at her, "and let us not forget, the beautiful and hot headed Queen of Elfhame, and my co host ... Jude Duarte!"

She groans, causing me to grin even more as I pull her into my lap and slightly nibble at her neck, "Care to explain what this show is about Jude?"

Jude twists around and snarls in my face. "She's quite feisty," I mock whisper to the camera, causing her to roll her eyes as she gets up, dusts off her dress and faces the audience.

"I don't know why he wants me to explain anything, cause the name literally says it all." Jude says, gesturing to the big 'CARDAN REACTS TO ALL THINGS MORTAL' poster behind her ,"but for all the people who are either blind or dumb enough not to understand it, this is a show where Cardan reacts to mortal things that he has never seen, done, heard of or eaten before, and everyone else has to survive the touture of looking at him"

I gasp, "I would hardly say that looking at me was tourture, most people would die to look at my face"

Jude rolls her eyes towards the camera and mouths, "He looks horrible right?"

"Well Jude? What's first!" I say, sitting down on a grand chair. Jude walks to the side of the room and wheels out a tray with a cloche on the top.

I hope it's something to eat, because I missed out on my kingly breakfast. Jude had literally dragged me from my bed by my legs and shoved me into my clothes before pulling me to the set.

Jude lifts the cloche slowly as crescendo music builds up in the background to reveal... "A Phone!" Jude says.

She has told me about phones before, how amazing they are, how they hold all the information in the world. Well ... I expected something better than a little black box.

I pick up the phone and stare at it, as I have seen mortals doing, but nothing happens. I hear Jude snicker from where she is standing and glare at her, "I suppose I'm doing it wrong, aren't I?"

She shakes her head and looks at him with a surprisingly serious expression, "you're doing it exactly right!"

I hear Vivi give a small snort from wherever she is, and hear Taryn trying to smother her laughter too. I look back at Jude, "What joy do you mortals get by looking at a stupid black box!"

She comes closer to me and slightly pats my head, fingers slipping into my black curls, "Us mortals use our amazing brains to imagine things on the small black box" Jude stands behind my, her reflection joining mine on the screen. "So? What do you see"

"I see only my gorgeous face," I say, running a hand through my hair, "I guess this can make a good mirror."

She groans and clicks a small, almost invisible button on the phone and the Phone lights up in my hand. "OMG! HOW DID YOU DO THAT!" I shout, placing the phone down quickly on the table.

Jude grins at me, "Magic."

I pick up the Phone carefully, and hold it in my hand. Jude leans over my shoulder and presses a small 'G' on the screen and a white page pops up, with a blinking line in a small box.

"What does Goo - gal - lee mean? It sounds like a word from some old and forgotten language" I ask Jude.

She laughs, "It's pronounced Goo - gel idiot." I repeat the word, fumbling over it till I get it right. "Fine," I say, "What is this Google?"

"Google is a part of the internet, you can type any question in here," She gestures to the small box in the middle, "and Google will show you the answer."

"Oh?"

                                                 ***********************************

Cardan's brows scrunch in concentration, "Any question?"

I nod, "Anything you want". I click the search bar and the keyboard pops up, Cardan's eyes widen. He brings his finger up to the phone and presses it, very hard. His long nails clack against the screen of the phone as he tries to type. I really want to kiss him right now, he looks adorable with his untidy raven black hair, eyes narrowed and his tongue slightly sticking out of his mouth as he concentrated.

"What the hell!" He says suddenly, startling me, "The internet is so wrong!" He waves the phone frantically in front of my face, and I grab his hand, "You need to stop moving it so I can read."

I look towards the screen and smirk, and that quickly turns into a snorting laugh. "Really?" I ask him between laughs, "this is what you type?"

He pouts, making him look more adorable, like a scolded child, "Google is so wrong! Why am I not on that list!"

I laugh again and pat his hand, "I doubt searching up 'Who is the hottest man in the world?' will make you feel good about yourself"

"Why am I not on that list! I am hot, I am very very hot, if that wasn't the truth I would not be able to say it", he says. I had to agree, Cardan was very hot, but ... "I doubt mortals even know that you exist" I tell him, " You might as well be a character in a book to them" (wink, wink)

He huffs and slouches back on his chair again mumbling something I choose not to hear. "Well guys, I guess the show is over, because someone..." I say with a pointed look at Cardan, "Is throwing a tantrum"

I wave at the camera, "So goodbye, and I'll see you tomorrow at the 'Cardan reacts to all things mortal show'"

                                           **************************************************

(A/N)

Soooooooooo ... how was it? please comment, I would accept any critisism happily. I know the POV changes, cause I wanted to switch between Cardans and Judes. Ill be updating soon and I expect these chapters to be quite short, so I can update regularly :) 

 Lots of love, Nova