Georgian Redneck

Chapter 34- A Lesson Never Learned

"So we're going to go in? Just like that?" Maggie asks worriedly, a hint of doubt in her voice. Her accent is still thick and Glenn still swoons over it.

My opinion on this? I hate the plan. It's got giant ass flaws and shit. Sending a selected few to explore the prison which could be completely and utterly infested while the rest stay in safety? I don't like it.

"That's what he said." Glenn confirms uneasily.

Go in, kill and come back alive. But I have to stay behind with the 'weaker' to protect them as Glenn said. Apparently me going in to help is out of the question. Rick, Glenn and Daryl made made it cristal clear that they don't want me with them. For my safety, as Rick put it. But Maggie gets to fucking go. Not fair. I'm more than capable to go in and that's what I've been doing for the last 13 months. So why start protecting me now? That's just not right.

"But Rick" I whine with the last of my effort. All it takes is one stern look from the leader to shut me up for good. Me going with them is not up for discussion. But I'm still going to complain about it. I don't care about what others think.

Rick, T-Dog, Jack, Maggie, Glenn and Daryl grab a gun each from the backpack just to be sure. Better safe than sorry. Even if we are low on ammo and the prison could be a bust. That would leave us with even less ammunition.

They all have knifes or machetes with them as well. I still don't think it's a good idea for Maggie to go... Of course I trust her and all, but.... Y'know. It's not fair. She gets to go and I don't? Where's the fucking equality in this system?

"Come back in one piece or I won't talk to you for a month." I smirk at Daryl and give him a quick peck on his rough lips. Because that sentence totaly made sense. Note the sarcasm. I like sarcasm. The song by Get Sacred and the actualy thing. It's an automatic defence mechanism of mine.

"Don't worry girl. Jus' don't kill Carol and watch out" he jokes and slowly pulling away, giving me one last kiss on the cheek before going to stand beside Rick.

They've became something I'd like to call 'friends' over the past year. And in my opinion, that's good. Daryl's like the sidekick now. Well, not entirely. But he does get a say in what happens with the group more than I do.

I slowly walk towards Gabe and give him a gentle smile. I'm not the only one worried about their 'significant other' going on a possible suicide mission. Jack' and Gabes' relationship is slowly, but surely growing. I wish them all the best good luck.

Gabriel's an alright guy. The type that works hard both at work and home, occasionally goes out for a beer. He's your regular guy. But the thing I love most is that he pulls brilliant pranks on people. I can see why Jack likes him.

Like a few months back when he replaced Ryans' shampoo with super glue and that poor bastard's still got some left in his blonde hair. He screamed like a girl when his hands got stuck to his scalp, which was quite amusing if you ask me.

Or a few weeks ago when he replaced Carols toothpaste with mayonnaise. The look on her face was priceless. She stormed right over to Jack and had a screaming for at him. Yet nobody ever expects Gabe to be the one doing those things. People blame either Beth or Jack. And that's what makes him even more amusing.

Ryan closes the gate after the six 'heroes' enter the yard and start slaying the walking dead. Or rather stumbling dead. The sound of walkers being slaughtered and some muffled screams fill my ears. No. I cannot be here. No. I'm not going to be watching them take out their anger. As strange as it sounds, I actualy want to kill the dead. I'd be classed as a psycho back in the old world. Sort of ironic when you're a psychologyst.

"I'm gonna go take watch by the bus." I shout in the general direction of Lori and Carol and set off in a slow jog towards the overturned bus. Rick appointed the two in lead, which is even more bullshit piled upon this bullshit sandwich.

There are a few walkers scattered outside of the fence, desperate to get in and sink their rotten teeth into our delicious flesh. Bad news you fuckers, you ain't getting any. Not today, not tomorrow, not anytime soon. I hope. I mean, that's not the way I'd want to die.

I slowly place my feet onto the tires of the bus and then hoist myself up. This isn't that tricky. And Beth being younger, she should have been able to climb this without any problems. Maybe it's because...

Nope. I have no legitimate excuse for that one. I sit down so my legs hang off over the side and look around the field.

This could be our new home. A place where Carl and the baby can grow up in a safe and humane way. Well, as humane as possible. Maggie mentioned wanting a baby with Glenn. I'm not sure if that's the best of ideas. Bringing a baby into this world is just cruel. Having to constantly worry about whether it's safe and if it's not running off or becoming walker food. And each time it makes a gurgling noise or starts crying. It's like a walker magnet.

I look back down at my hands and gently pull the long sleeves of my black Metallica shirt up to my elbows. The white lines are still faintly visible. I hate them. They're a constant reminder. A constant reminder how weak-minded I was at one point in my life.

I trace the lines with my index finger and furrow my eyebrows. I regret this. All of this. But I wasn't the one who choose to have depression a few years ago. Not the one who chose the death of my mom. It messed with my head pretty badly and I hated it. I still do.

I subconsciously wipe a tear from my cheek and think back to the first time me and Daryl had sex. He noticed. And afterwards he called me out on it. It's not something I'd expect him to do. The opposite of what I'd thought he'd do.

But I told him everything, no matter how hard it was. About my mom dying and my dad marrying a girl ten years younger after two months. I needed to get it out of my system. He didn't really understand why I would inflict pain on myself. So I told him these exact words.

'If you stub your toe, you'd pinch your arm to stop focusing on the pain in your toe. It's the same with self harm. You inflict pain on you to temporarily forget the pain inside'

And that was that for the night. He's not mentioned it yet, but I can see him keeping tabs on me. That's really sweet. In a sick, twisted way. But now I see that selfharm wasn't the way. And it makes me really angry that I gave in.

It also pisses me off, because I had an appointment to get a tattoo over the arms a few days before the walkers came. And that was just bad timing.

I roll my sleeves down again and look up at the cloudless sky with a sad smile.

(A/N)
Here's chapter 34. Sorry for so much depressing stuff but it has a point, you'll see. Anyway, I've finally updated! I wanted to do a chapter from Daryl's POV but that prooved to be harder than I though...
Anyway, thank you for reading!
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