Through The Noise

Lost in Translation

No, I won't say it's been awhile because it's not. We all know that it's been years since the last time we met and talked about how things had been for each of us. Many things have changed, including ourselves. And I know it would be awkward to reach out now but I don't want to stay misunderstood. For so long, we ignored the words that has been hanging between us. But they shouldn't be left unspoken.

I have grown up so much during the past years. I've met a few people, had some realizations, and outgrown so many things... including our group. I hate to make this all about me. I hate to say this because to be honest, I sound dramatic even in my own ears. But that's the truth. This is the truth.

And I'm sorry.

I'm sorry for always looking away and pretending not to see you everytime we're about to run into each other on the streets. I find it hard to smile at you because I know things are not okay between us. I'm anxious to meet your gaze because I don't know if I would see the same, friendly eyes or the accusative and quizzical pair that seems to belong to a stranger.

I'm sorry for always making up excuses and refusing to show up at your parties. You've met me as this extroverted girl who loves going out with her friends and talking with people. But for some reason, I later found myself drawing out from the crowd and yearning for silence and solitary. Suddenly, the idea of parties, even they are hosted by friends, was not appealing to me anymore.

I'm sorry for finding it irrelevant to keep up with all of you. It seems fake to me to ask each other about the current happenings in our lives because I know some of us probably don't care at all. I feel like it's all just for the sake of being decent and ethical. And somehow, watching your lives unfold before me makes me envious. I'm so embittered by the life I had and seeing you living the life I wanted so much makes me upset over myself for having accomplished nothing.

I'm sorry for being a terrible friend. I'm sorry for growing distant and not finding home in you.

I don't know if my abscense made any difference. I don't know if the group became much happier without me but I hope you did. You, guys, did not do anything wrong. You are not held accountable for my decision. It was my own doing.

Do you remember the time when we promised to never forget and stop being friends with each other?

I broke the second promise but I will certainly never forget.