Blinded By Expectations

Cope Up

"You're leaving tomorrow?" I drank my beer after asking him.

Leon sat beside me at the sofa silently. Aalis na pala siya bukas pero bakit hindi manlang niya ako sinabihan. Wala manlang babala o paramdam.

"So you heard?" He said. Nakapatong ang kaniyang braso sa kaniyang binti habang magkahawak ang kaniyang dalawang kamay at nakaharap sa unahan.

"Am I joke to you Leon? Mahirap bang sabihin na aalis kana para pumunta sa Daddy mo? Hindi mo nga ako girlfriend but atleast I'm your bestfriend. Sa akin mo dapat unang ipaalam diba?" Hinarap ko siya habang patuloy na tumutulo ang luha ko.

"I'm sorry, Sasabihin ko naman sayo, naunahan mo lang ako" He said still avoiding my gaze.

I smirked. "Really? Kelan? Kapag aalis kana? Sasabihin mo ba sa akin "George I'm going to US, My flight is today, I don't know when will I be back" Ganyan ba Leon?  So kaya pala dinala mo ako sa Batanes to feed your conscience for not telling me that you'll leave tomorrow? Kaya pala." Iniwas ko na ang tingin ko sakanya at inubos ang laman ng hawak kong beer.

"Do you think it's easy? Do you honestly think I want this! From the very beginning we talked about this anong pinag-iinarte mo dyan George!" Tumayo siya para pumunta sa balcony.

"Anong pinag-iinarte ko? For fucks' sake Leon! Alam mo yung sinasabi ko! Wag kang magtanga-tangahan na hindi mo alam!" I shouted at him from behind.

"Tang-ina naman George! What's the deal with you.I had to go there for my family." Nasa balcony parin siya at hindi ako hinaharap.

"Then Go! ang sa akin lang naman sana sinabi mo agad, ang unfair lang kasi" Umupo nalang ako at nagbukas ng isa pang beer. Unti-unti nang tunutulo ang luha sa aking mga mata.

He walked towards me and grabbed a canned of beer. He sat at the table facing me intently while holding his canned beer.

"Don't be like this please. It's also hard for me to go there. I hope you understand. The reason why I didn't tell you is that I don't want to ruin the few days left we have. I'll be back okay? For now, just enjoy your life without me, do whatever you want, go out with your friends or with guys maybe, focus on work, plan for something that you dreamed to do. Wag mong paikutin ang mundo mo sa akin. I'll let you be free. I'll visit you here if I have time." He said while caressing my face and wiping my tears.

"Just be safe there okay!? Don't get sick, wag mo kalimutan na balitaan manlang ako ha. Bestfriend mo parin ako and I care about you. Do the same for me. Have fun and don't forget about me even if you'll have a girlfriend, Got it?". It hurts like hell to say those words to him, Alam ko naman na dadating din yung time na ito at kahit masyadong komplikado kung ano yung meron sa amin, sapat na yon sa akin para panghawakan ko, pero hindi ko alam kung hanggang kelan.

"Don't cry, you're so ugly" He laughed and sat beside me.

I rolled my eyes and wiped my tears. We stayed at his house until the next day. He didn't let me dropped him off at the airport dahil baka magwala daw ako doon. Wow ha! As if naman eeksena pa ako katulad ng mga napapanuod sa movies and teleseryes.

Bumalik na ako sa condo ko. I took a shower and change into my office attire. Wala na akong ganang mag-breakfast dahil sa hindi malamang dahilan. I'm buttoning my blouse and wore my fitted skirt. As I look at the mirror. I saw tears falling down my face again.

"Ugh! I miss him already" Napaupo ako sa isang mini-sofa sa walk-in closet at umiyak nalang doon. Ngayon na malayo na siya sa akin, I think I should do things to make me busy and to divert myself to others. Ayoko na lagi siyang isipin. Bahala na, Hindi ko naman ikamamatay na wala siya.