Untold: Xian's Journal

Part 5

Part 5

All my life I never felt this broken. I had fights with Armie when we were together but it was never this bothering. I would normally give her space so she can reflect on what she did but right now I don't think I can do that. I am suddenly scared that if I lose Kim from my sight then it will all be over.

Why am I scared like this when I left her out in the open for years? Why am I scared now?

I slowly realized everything after that confrontation from Kenneth Yu.

"I'm sorry but she gave herself to me. Niligawan ko siya at sinagot niya ako. Iniingatan ko siya Xian, inaalagaan at minamahal. Hindi ko siya sinasaktan katulad ng ginagawa mo, hindi ko siya pinaiiyak katulad nang palagi mong ginagawa. Hindi ako katulad mo!"

"I don't need to know everything! Sapat na sa aking alam ko na nasasaktan lang siya sayo, sapat nang dahilan iyon para kunin ko siya sayo! You don't deserve her Xian, she don't deserve to be hurt!"

Those words that lingered on my mind many days after our encounter.

I was regretful but at the back of my mind, I know I have reasons. But are they valid?

I realized Kenneth is right. I have hurt Kimberly more than what I can imagine, and I was clueless because I was busy protecting Armie. I was busy protecting her from getting hurt that I didn't know Kim was hurting too.

But I am hurt too.

I couldn't leave Armie just like that, not because I love her romantically but because it's only me that she ever had. And I couldn't tell them about it so they are all angry at me, at the both of us. I wish there's an easy way out.

I can turn my back at Armie and pursue Kimberly but I don't think my conscience will let me sleep at night. Armie is mentally challenged, not totally crazy but her way of thinking has been unstable because of her family. Is it wrong to want to keep her sane? Is it wrong to want to fall inlove while trying to keep a friend sane?

If I tell Kim about this I know she will understand, but I promised Armie that I will never tell anyone. I never broke a single promise my entire life, especially to her. So yeah, maybe I can still endure all of these, maybe I should just keep on going. Maybe Kim will understand me someday, no.. I hope she'll understand me someday.

"You little clumsy girl, are you okay?" I asked after I entered her room after hearing her screaming because of the storm.

The power is out and I was just about to turn on some switch for the generator when I heard her screaming. I panicked and rushed to her room instead.

I found her inside the bathroom, all wet and only covered with towels. I lost count of how many times I needed to clench my jaw.

"Dammit," I pulled her out of the bathroom and towards her closet but she stopped me from moving.

"Anong gagawin mo?"

"Get your clothes and wear them,"

She shook her head, "Ayoko ng bumalik sa CR!" She then held to my arm tightly.

"Kim are you trying to seduce me or what? You can't stick with me wearing a piece of shit." I said frustratedly.

"How can you say that? Nanginginig na nga ako sa takot iisipin mo pang sineseduce kita?! At bakit ka ba nagmumura?! Nakakainis kana ha!"

"Fine!"

"Anong fine--" She screamed when I scooped her and put her to bed instead.

"Where's your phone?"