Untold: Xian's Journal

Part 7

Part 7

It's like the end of the world when she died and left me. I was devastated, I was in so much pain that it numbed me.

I grieved for days. I couldn't get out of my room, I couldn't eat. I was stuck at the idea that it was all a dream, a nightmare, that I will wake up from it. Because no matter how hard I try to get through it, I just can't believe it.

My angel is gone, my beautiful flower withered and turned to dust. And I am all alone now, I am all alone.

"Hijo, I heard your father bought you a condo before. Maybe you should stay there for a while. Kung nandito ka baka lalo ka lang mahirapan." Tita Claire told me when she visited me in my room to bring me dinner.

I've been locking myself up for a week now, staring at our pictures together, wasting my damn day and night looking back at all the wrong things I've done to her. I end up sleeping with regrets and tears on my eyes every night.

"Xian I know this is very hard for you but you have to keep going. Did you read the letter she gave you? She wants you to find a way to be happy, I'm sure of that."

I clenched my fists. That letter? How can she write that letter and tell me she wants me to be happy once she's gone?

I've been reading that letter repeatedly like it's the only memory I have from her and all it did is hurt me. I've memorized every word written on that letter but still, I can't understand how she wants me to be happy.

She's my only happiness. I have lived my life with the thought that Armie was the right woman for me but I was never really happy when I was with her. I only felt genuinely happy when I was with Kim and she tells me to love another girl?

You can really break me in your own little way Kimberly. You did it so bad, you broke me so bad.

Her mom persuaded me successfully to leave the house. And I guess she has a point. Maybe I need to go away for a while, to find myself even when I don't really know how.

I left the Scofield mansion and started living alone in my condo, thinking that it would help me a bit but I only got almost crazy.

One lazy afternoon and I woke up from a dream. I dreamed of us having coffee together, in a coffee shop we've never been. I combed my hair in frustration as I lay in bed, staring at the ceiling, imagining her beautiful innocent face.

I always dream of her. I dream of us together in places we've been to, the butterfly dome and the restaurant where we had dinner dates. I dream of us cuddling in her room, playing in the pool, I dream of us in every corner of their mansion and this is the first time that I dreamed of us together in a place we never visited.

I sighed. What are you trying to tell me baby? Do you really want me to forget you or you want me to go crazy? Because I think I am really gonna go crazy without you.

I laid in bed all day and when I realized I don't have anything to do, I decided to visit the coffee shop that was in my dream. I don't know its name but I can remember its exact place inside the mall. Surprisingly, the coffee shop looks exactly the same as the one in my dream.

A waitress greeted me when I came in. I went to the counter to order.

"One caramel macchiato sir. Please take your seat, iseserve nalang po."

But I stayed and ordered another one absent-mindedly.

"Isa pa po? Caramel macchiato din po?"

I nodded.

I left the counter and went to find a table. I sat down at the exact place where we were in my dream. I started looking around, curious why Kim and I were here in my dream when we never visited this place before.