Love & War || Levi Ackerman

Chapter 34 | Too Much

Warning: Mentions of suicide. For those who may be triggered, I advice you don't force yourselves into reading this. And if this book does have this audience, I want to tell you that there will always be someone who will help you see the light in the world again.

You don't have to give up.

Be kind to yourself. Let yourself feel free from the voices.

It'll all be worth it in the end. I stand by you all <<3

_____

Sara's Point of View

It has been two days since I woke up without being able to hear anything. Two days of this nightmare of lifting my guard up double because of the possible threats that I could not hear, but need to know. Hanji told me to stay in bed, but I insisted to visit Eren and Mikasa today.

I was told that they were imprisoned for a few weeks because of acting against the rules of the Survey Corps. I heard that they drew their blades out to Levi and Hanji when they were deciding who to revive. They are still young. I quite understand why they reacted rashly when their life-long friend was on the verge of death.

However, that only means that they still have a lot to go through as cadets. They may be soldiers now, but they are still fifteen-year old kids. Sharpening their minds and having the ability to shove their emotions away in deciding is a needed trait when you're in the Survey Corps. That was the brutal reality that our regiment strongly opens to all of its members.

Everyone will die someday.

The only task of the living is to keep moving forward despite their losses.

It is hard. I have to admit. Even I am still struggling to get into terms with death. I was so scared that I whipped up my cadets into shape until they can save themselves from situations that we may not be able to foresee.

I slipped my corps coat on my arms, buttoning it close as the door to my hospital room opens. Hanji and Levi were coming over to pick me up before they head to check on Eren and Mikasa. It just so happened that I forced them to bring me along. I needed to see if they are doing well.

"Are you ready?" I see Hanji signing to me with her hands.

I unconsciously frowned at that. I'm still deaf. It has been a few days, yet I still haven't regained my hearing. Possibilities of me having this permanently was giving me nightmares every night I spend in this hellish room. I wake up at ungodly hours with tears streaming down my eyes at that possibility.

I didn't want to be useless.

Now that I was given the chance to stay alive, I need to do something for humanity. I need to help them and gain back the freedom we have been fighting for so long.

"Yeah," I spoke, but then again, I couldn't hear myself talking.

Sighing, I brushed my hair back with my hand and followed them out of my hospital room. I have been dreading to get out of that place. It was sickening and it reminded me that I'm out of commission. Levi and my cadets have frequently visited and would always ask if I need them to do something for me.

The help was greatly appreciated, but I feel useless having to rely on them to do things. I didn't lose limbs. I only lost my hearing, yet they're treating me as if I can't do anything anymore.

Though, it may only be because they are concerned. I understand that part, so I didn't tell them what I was really feeling because it might only make them feel bad of what they are doing. If anything, I wanted to express my deepest gratitude for their help.