RAMBLED THOUGHTS

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*Y/N

~The following day~

I sat on the bed naked from last night's activities. I looked behind me and saw Tony sleeping peacefully. Just then, the negative thoughts came back again to me.

~Flashback~

"Now that we're getting married, I can't help but think if I really am ready to give you a family." Tony said.

"What do you mean babe?"

"I know I promised to be the best husband to you, and I just had a dream. And it's shaking me to my core." Tony said. "I had a dream that I--we have a kid and I never gave her the attention she wanted and I just become my father. And you know, my old playboy self came back again and I cheated on you and our kid. I just--I just don't want to lose you and--"

"Tony, you're changing your mind on this wedding, aren't you?" I asked him.

"No--I-um--I--"

"If you're undecided if we're going to continue this then, maybe we should cancel everything." I said. He guiltily looked at me and I just sighed.

"We cannot force this wedding to happen because I dreamed of having this wedding, but I cannot live with myself knowing I was selfish enough not to consider your decision." I continued.

"Y/N--"

"Tony, I understand. Just because I dreamed of having my wedding, doesn't mean you should have one despite of something is pushing you not to." I advised.

"I wanted to really marry you, Y/N. But sometimes, I doubt myself regarding this next responsibility." Tony admitted.

"I wanted to marry you too, Tony. But, I don't want to marry someone with doubt of the next journey ahead of us."

"We still have time to decide right?" Tony asked.

"Yes, we have." I said as I gave him a kiss on the cheek. I sat properly on my seat and I felt Tony grabbed my hand and I looked at him. He held my hand into his lips and he kissed the top of my hand. We both smiled at each other and he continued driving.

~End of Flashback~

I stood up and went to the bathroom. I locked the bathroom door and I began to shower fast and put on my clothes. I was combing my hair in front of the mirror when I looked at myself. The scene and the memory from last night kept replaying from my mind.

Am I still worth of his time?

Am I gonna marry him?

Are we gonna stick for long?

Or do we have a future together?

I can't! Stop thinking of the negative.. Tony still wants to cherish this relationship--Is he?? For fuck sake! I went out of the bathroom and I saw Tony still asleep. I slowly went out of the room and I grabbed a cup of coffee in the kitchen and proceeded on my office room. I locked the door and I sat on my chair. I opened my laptop and tried to work on the remaining files I have left from my work as SHIELD Agent. While working, I heard my phone rang. I looked at it and saw Nat calling.

"Hey Nat." I said without energy on my tone.

"Hey. What's wrong?" Nat asked.

"Oh, nothing." I lied.

"I know you, Y/N. You're my best friend and I can feel something's wrong."

"It's not good to talk about this through phone. You have time to meet?" I asked her.

"Yeah, of course. Why don't you come here at the HQ. I'm at the training room at the moment." Nat said.

"Okay, I'll be there in 10."

"Okay, see you." Nat said as she ended the call. I closed my laptop and I grabbed my phone and put on my new clothes.

I looked at Tony and he's still asleep but, he was laying on his belly now

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I looked at Tony and he's still asleep but, he was laying on his belly now. I went out of the room and went down the lobby and just rode a cab. I tell the cab driver to drop me a mile away from the HQ. So, when I reached the destination, I walked fast on the way to the HQ and into the training room. When I reached the training room. There I saw Natasha, sitting on one of the benches and waiting for me. She saw me coming and she stand and went to hug me.

"Hi.." I said gloomily.

"Oh my God! What happened?" She asked me as she broke the hug, held my wrist and drag me to sit on the bench.

"Last night, Tony said something." I began.

"What did he said?"

"He's beginning to doubt himself if he's capable of handling his responsibility as my husband and a father to our future kids." I said.

"Wait! Are you pregnant?"

"No, I'm not."

"Then, why is he doubtful of having this responsibility?" She asked. I told Nat about Tony's dream and his doubts. Then, I also told her about Tony's final decision if we're going to continue the wedding or not.

"What the hell!? Why did he even proposed if he's still doubting about his future with you?! He's stupid!" Nat said.

"Ever since last night, I started doubting about the plan of the wedding." I said

"No Y/N, don't think like that. You and Tony will get married, okay? He'll make his decision--"

"What if he didn't? What if he doesn't want to continue this? What if he's not the guy that is ready to give up his bachelor's life just because he wants to settle down with me?" Nat became silent and I just sighed as she looked at me sympathetically.

"Nat, what if he backs down? Or what if I stop and I surrender this engagement? I just don't want to be selfish just because I want to settle down with someone I love and with someone who really wants to accept responsibilities."

"Y/N, listen to me okay? You and Tony still got a lot of time on your hands. He'll be able to make his decision before the wedding date, okay?" Nat advised. I just nodded my head and I looked at her.

"I love him, Nat."

"I know you do."

"I'm just scared of what will happen next if I lost Tony." I said.

"I know it's scary, but you gotta endure it if you really love the person. It will all be worth it, I promise you." Nat said.

"Thanks Nat. It's good to know that you have my back, always."

"You're welcome, Y/N. Just call me whenever you need my advise or my help. I'll be there for you." Nat said as I stand.

"I'll keep that in mind." I said as I hugged her one last time and I went out of the HQ and got a cab and told him to drive to my company. Since I don't want to see Tony yet. After a couple of minutes, I have arrived at the company. I went inside the building and saw nothing changed, except for the Christmas decors. I went to the elevator and to my shocked, I saw my ex-boyfriend, Aldrich Killian.

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