The Loud House: Oneshots (Completed)

The Couch Gag

By: "GeorgeGlass" at Adult-Fanfiction.org

It was a Friday night, and the Loud kids were crowded together on and around the sofa, watching "World's Most Viral Videos" while their parents prepared dinner.

"Hey, quit touching me!" Lola shouted at Lana.

"I was here first," Lana retorted, "so you're the one touching me!"

"Stop sitting on my foot!" Lori griped at Luna, who was seated on the carpet in front of her.

"How am I supposed to know it's there?" Luna retorted. "My butt's so uncomfortably numb from sitting on the floor, I can't even feel your foot!"

Lucy, who was crammed between Lisa and Leni, groaned, "Why is there no concept of personal space in this house?"

"Perhapsh," Lisa replied, "if you were to remove your olecranon from my costae fluitantes, I could exshplain it to you." Then, in response to Lucy's blank look, Lisa added pointedly, "Get your elbow out of my ribs."

Lincoln, sitting on the floor in front of Lori, exclaimed, "Oh, geez, who farted?" and fanned his face with his hand.

"I keep telling you, it's my shoes!" Lori screeched.

"Uh, I didn't say it was you," Lincoln replied.

Lynn, wedged between Leni and the arm of the couch, growled, "Quit crowding me already!"

"How can I crowd you?" Leni replied, puzzled. "There's just one of me."

Luan, sitting on the floor in front of Lynn, pushed Mr. Coconuts at her.

"If you don't quit kicking me, I'll throw more than just my voice at you."

Her face reddening, Lynn shouted, "That's IT!" and dived at Luan. Others lost their tempers, too, and suddenly the area around the couch was engulfed in a massive fight-cloud.

"Hey! Knock it off!" Lynn Loud Sr. shouted as he stormed in from the kitchen, a spatula in his hand.

Everyone froze, most of them with fists pulled back or hands yanking someone's hair.

"This is not okay!" their mother added, also emerging from the kitchen, with Lily in her arms. "If you can't sit together in peace, then there'll be no TV for anyone!"

Lynn Sr. looked at them all for a moment. Then, gesturing at the sofa with his spatula, he said, "All of you—on the couch."

"Wait, all ten of us?" Lori asked. "There isn't enough room."

"Find a way," their father replied sternly.

Grumbling, the ten kids clustered around the sofa. They quickly realized that to fit everyone, five of the kids would have to sit on the couch with a sibling on their lap, so they arranged themselves that way. Sighing, Luan left Mr. Coconuts on the side table, as there wasn't room for both him and Lucy on her lap.

Soon, the ten Loud children were packed together on the couch. None of them looked very comfortable.

"Now," their father said, "you're all going to sit there quietly until dinner time."

"No arguing, and no fighting," their mother added. "If I come out here and see so much as a dirty look, it's a grounding for everyone."

The two parents went back into the kitchen, their father peeking around the doorframe at the kids once before slipping behind it again. The kids shifted and squirmed, trying to get comfortable, or at least less uncomfortable.