𝘣𝘪𝘱𝘰𝘭𝘢𝘳 » 𝘻𝘢𝘳𝘳𝘺 ✓

twenty six

harry plays with the straw in his drink as he stares down at the cup, spaced out. it's been almost three days since he last spoke with zayn, but the raven had been texting him occasionally mostly letting harry know how sorry he was, how he never meant for things to turn out the way they did. as well as reminding harry how much he loves him.

harry doesn't know if he's being  immature by not talking to him, but he honestly doesn't know what to say. he can't ignore the fact that he's hurt. he wants to trust, no, he does trust zayn. he knows deep within himself that zayn is faithful. but he can't help it but feel sad.

to him it just feels like there's too many things always getting in the way of them having a happy relationship. harry feels angry that zayn keeps somehow finding himself involved with his ex. harry had already been wary about them staying friends, but now he's even more worried.

he's drowning in all of his insecurities, and he feels like he can't breath sometimes. he can't shake the feeling, it's always there nagging in the back of his mind, driving him crazy. he already has to deal with other issues in their relationship, why should he have to worry about another person coming inbetween them?

harry can't know for sure what actually went down at that party, but he's so agitated. he's tired of them always getting into it just as things are starting to look better for them. especially because of some bitch who doesn't know how to move on from the past.

it frustrates him so much.

he is not particularly frustrated with zayn, or even mad at him. he's mad at himself, at everything, but not at zayn. he wishes everything was simple between them. he wishes things were easier, and that everything could go back to the way they were when he and zayn had first started out. things were so much simpler then; they were happy and carefree.

but everything has gone to shit for the past several months now and it was so messed up. it's been like this for so long, harry can't remember the last time they've gone without finding something to argue about. the last time they were truly able to relax and be happy.

he wants that again.

"harry?" harry is brought out of his thoughts when he hears his friend calling out to him and snapping his fingers. he looks over at louis who's sitting across the table from him, niall next to him. they had invited harry to join them since he was down about the thing with zayn. so, here they were, out for food while harry basically spaced out the whole time and louis and niall talking.

"huh?" harry answers, shaking his head.

"were you even listening?" louis asks. harry makes a face, leaning forward to take a sip of his drink.

"no, i wasn't." he admits. louis sighs, sitting back.

"seriously, if it's bothering you this much, feel free to just go home."

"if you and niall want alone time, just say that." harry grumbles, rolling his eyes.

"no, it's not that. it's just that, you seem distracted." niall replies quickly. harry smiles weakly.

"i'm just joking, but i guess you're right. i don't wanna bring you guy's mood down." harry says, pushing his drink away from him as he's about to stand up. louis reaches out to grab his wrist, stopping him.

"h, you should talk to him." he tells harry. the brunette sighs softly.

"i know that," harry replies.