𝘣𝘪𝘱𝘰𝘭𝘢𝘳 » 𝘻𝘢𝘳𝘳𝘺 ✓

twenty

when zayn arrived, neither of them said a word. they sat in harry's room in silence, each of them trying to gather up in their minds what they needed to be said and how to put it into words. harry was sitting against the headboard with his legs in indian style, playing with his fingers in his lap. while zayn at the edge of the biting his lip, looking down.

there was a tension in the room mixing with the uncomfortable silence and it was becoming unbearable. harry wanted zayn to speak first, and zayn visa versa. zayn felt like maybe he should talk first however, since he is the one who caused it all. then again, harry for guilty because maybe he was the one that caused it all because he may have overreacted.

but then again, how was harry supposed to feel when his boyfriend was ignoring him all night, and suddenly there's a picture of him being cozy with his ex lover. it made harry's mind run wild and his blood pressure rise.

"harry, i know what you're thinking," zayn started. harry looks up from his lap to look at zayn as he speaks. "but i promise you it wasn't like that at all." zayn says, looking into harry's eyes. harry bites his lip slightly, giving zayn this somber look.

"then, what happened?"

zayn sighs, "i was just hanging out with my friends at that stupid party, and she happened to be there seeing as we kinda share a couple of the same friends. i just wanted to have a little fun cause i was feeling bad about our situation, so yeah i got drunk, and a little high. we talked a little, and i wasn't really thinking straight when that picture was taken. and i uh, may have kissed her." zayn says.

"what?"

"on the cheek, it was just a small peck on the cheek." zayn clarifies quickly. harry sighs.

"oh.."

"harry, i'm sorry, i-"

"zayn, i don't want your apology. i just- i want us to just talk, about everything." harry says quietly. zayn tilts his head slightly. "about our feelings, our emotions, just us. no half assed apologies or explanations, or feeling sorry for ourselves." harry says. zayn nods in understanding.

"okay." zayn replies softly. harry nods.  "how does it make you feel so see me with gigi?" zayn asked.

"mad."

"why does it make you mad?" zayn asked.

"because, i don't like her being around you." harry replied.

"why sweetheart?"

"she....she makes me feel insecure." harry says honestly.

"why are you insecure?"

"because, she's so beautiful, really most of your female friends are so gorgeous, they all look like fucking models. and you being bisexual doesn't help, because maybe one day you'll decide you don't want to date a boy anymore because i'm not pretty enough, and i get so jealous when you're around the opposite sex. they intimidate me the most, because i fear you leaving me for a beautiful girl." harry says truthfully, sighing deeply. zayn's eyes soften as he stares at harry. zayn moves to sit directly in front of harry, indian style. he grabs harry's hands.

"babe, i didn't know you felt that way." zayn says. harry nods, looking down at their hands. zayn hooks a finger under harry's chin, making him look up to connect their eyes. "harry, you're beautiful. way more beautiful than any girl i know. why do you think i get so out of control whenever you get near any guy?"

"what do you mean?"

"for a boy, you're very pretty, h. i feel like guys will completely forget about their sexuality when they see you. i'll be honest, i get jealous whenever i see guys gawking at you like you're a piece of meat and you just smile at them. it annoys me when you can't see their hungry eyes preying on you." zayn tells him.

"that's the thing z, i see it. i just choose to ignore it, because honestly, you're the only one i want."

"yeah, but what if some guy comes along and treats you better than i can?" 

"zayn, no one can treat me any better than you do. besides, it's more than that. it's not about who can treat me better. it's you, z. i love everything about you, your personality, your smile, your laugh, your hobbies, your humor, everything. don't get me started on your perfectly shaped cheekbones and your cute eyebrows." harry sighs. zayn smiles softly.

"it's the same with you babe, you really shouldn't feel insecure, because it's not about the looks. it's you and all these little things, i admire. like how you have this feisty personality and refuse to let anybody walk over you, but at the same time you're very sensitive and you cry easily. you have the brightest smile, adorable little dimples, and gorgeous green eyes that make me soft every time you look at me. i don't think there's anybody who can even come close in comparison to you." zayn says, stroking harry's palm gently.

"you really mean that?" harry asked, bright eyes gazing at zayn.

"with every fiber in my body." zayn nods. harry grins, maneuvering himself to get onto zayn's lap and wrap his arms around his neck. zayn rests his hands on harry's waist. they pull away from the brief hug, smiling at one another, until zayn's smilefalls slightly, becoming more serious. "it's okay for us to be jealous. but it's not okay for us to act this way." zayn says. harry nods slightly, chewing on his bottom lip.

"how do we fix it?"

"well, for one, we need to communicate." zayn gives harry a pointed look. "talk to one another first, before jumping to conclusions, yeah?"

"yeah."

"and in order to start trusting one another more, i think you need to work on letting go of those insecurities and i need to focus on controlling my temper." zayn tells him.

"i agree."

"i love you, h. more than anything, i'm willing to work this out, for real this time. i don't wanna lose you." zayn says.

"i don't wanna lose you neither, i love you so much." harry whispers. zayn leans in to kiss him, but pauses. harry raises an eyebrow.

"can i?" zayn asked. harry grins widely.

"of course, stupid." harry giggles. zayn smiles, kissing harry softly on the lips for a couple of moments, they kiss. zayn pulls away.

"everything okay?"

"it's not perfect, but we'll work it out."

~

how is that? x

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