Canyon Moon | H.S.

The Power of Music (55)

Anne drove me to the airport. She was insistent, would not take no for an answer, and secretly I was glad.

She welcomed me with open arms, not once making me feel like I was a burden. It was exactly what I needed, to just be taken care of for a while, and now...

Now I'm going home.

It's still home. Three weeks away and a broken heart doesn't change almost a year's worth of memories. The crazy thing is that I still love him, I love him just as much as I always have.

I just don't trust him right now.

That realisation broke my heart, and keeps breaking it a little bit every time I think about it, but it's true... and it's natural, that's what Anne has helped me realise. It's natural to be wary and hesitant to trust right now.

I switch off as best I can on the flight home after a slightly teary goodbye to Anne. I was just so nervous, I was restless the entire time. I did eventually fall asleep though, thank goodness. I've had enough sleepless flights to last a lifetime.

I stop to make myself presentable in the airport bathroom, feeling very silly. I don't need to make an effort, he'll be well aware that I've just come off a ten hour flight...

...but the voice in the back of my head is saying 'show him what he's missing'. I'm hardly taking it to the extreme, as leggings and a hoodie doesn't scream sex on legs, but I want him to know that I'm okay.

I don't know if I am... okay that is. I'm a lot better than I was three weeks ago, but I think a lot is riding on what he has to say to me. I know him, and I love him, and deep down I know that he didn't do this maliciously, but I need his explanation.

Which is why, after a silent taxi ride, I'm standing in front of the front door. Key in hand. Apparently having to psych myself up to enter my own home.

He should be home at the moment, but I'm not entirely sure. The only person who knows his schedule is Anna, and I didn't want to call her because then she'd insist on coming to get me from the airport and probably tell Harry, or at least ask me questions, and he needs to be the first one I speak to.

Put the key in the door, and open it Natalie.

I do, surprisingly confident considering my mental turmoil. My stomach is in knots, and I'm pretty sure my heart is beating fast enough to power a car.

"Hello?" His voice calls from the office, and my stomach clenches.

I quickly shut the door behind me and put my suitcase down, waiting in the entrance way. He comes striding out of his office to see who's let themselves in, and stops in his tracks.

"Natalie." His voice is barely audible, and it hits me right in the chest.

My instinct is to go to him, to comfort him because he sounds in pain, but I have to be strong for myself and not let him affect me.

"Hello Harry." I say simply, still not moving.

He walks towards me slowly, as if treading on literal eggshells. I see his arms twitch as he nears me, as if he wants to reach out to me, but he stops himself.

"I-" His voice waivers. "I'm so sorry." He looks crestfallen, and he can't quite meet my eyes.

"Tell me why." I keep my words short and to the point. I want to know why he's sorry.

"Why? Natalie, there's no excuse, I know there's no excuse. There's no possible way that you could forgive me, she... she came up to me, so quickly, and I hadn't seen her since we broke up, I was so shocked she was even there, and she just kissed me."