Avani & Anthony

72

a month since last chapter

avani's pov

i am not doing okay. it hurts to smile, to breathe, to laugh, to cry. everything just hurts all the time. i rarely leave my bed anymore. i rarely eat anymore. i just lay in bed all day, do school, watch random shows, and sleep. i don't even know where my phone is or if it's even charged.

i haven't talked to anthony in over a week, same with amelie. and everyone else, besides my dad, mom, and priya. they have been coming in frequently to check on me. my dad has been forcing me to eat and my mom is staying on me about school. shanti is in indiana but is coming to visit next month.

i haven't posted on my socials at all. i have no motivation and there is just so much hate and negativity that i don't even want to do them anymore. i lay face down in bed and take a few deep breaths. i close my eyes slowly.

*skipping a few hours

i wake up from a nap. all i do is sleep. i roll out of bed and go into my bathroom. i decide to take a body shower. simple and easy. right? i turn on the water and try to remain calm. i undress and get into the warm water. i take deep, long breaths.

after i finish washing my body, i turn off the water and grab my towel. i feel a small sense of accomplishment. i walk over to my closet and grab a pair of sweatpants and a random t-shirt. i get dressed.

after i go, downstairs to get some water. my family is going to be shocked to see me. i grab my bottle to fill up.

when i arrive in the kitchen my mom notices me. "hey, how are you feeling?" she talks. "i'm alright. took a body shower, just getting some water." i say. "you seem in a better mood." she comments. "ya, i feel a little more active today." i shrug and respond. i finish filling my bottle. "you should call anthony." my mom says. i nod. "i'm heading back up." i say, finishing our conversation. "ok, i love you." she says. "love you too." i say as i walk back upstairs into my safe zone.

i exhale deeply as i enter my room. i close my door and walk over to my bed. i feel exhausted from just doing that walk. i put my water down and try to look for my phone.

i look for about a minute and i end up finding it. it's alive, a good sign. i see a lot of notifications on my screen. i lay down in bed and look through. 40 missed calls from anthony. 50 texts from him. 20 missed calls from amelie. 100 texts from her. blake even messaged me 5 times. 4 miss calls from madi as well, 15 texts from her. 30 missed calls from
shanti and 80 messages from her. wow i really was off the grid.

i message shanti first, i just said 'hey i'm doing alright. i lost my phone and i just found it.' i lied but it's ok. i kind of did lose it... eh. i message ant next. 'hey i'm doing fine.' i send that message to him then i text back everyone else.

after i plug in my phone and set it on my nightstand. i turn on my tv and lay in bed. i lay on my side and face the wall. i feel a tear run down the side of my face to my temple. i'm crying. why? i don't know.

i let myself cry. i cry it all out. no holding back. my mind takes me to a dark and cold place.

"she's not even pretty."
"why is she even living?"
"no one likes you."
"stop crying all the time. you just look stupid."
"she looks fat, or pregnant."
"he could do so much better."
"still don't understand why you're famous."
"makeup is clearly not her strong suit."
"is she like really ugly to anybody else?"
"you're irrelevant."

voices flood into my mind. reciting all of the hate comments that have never left my mind. i forcefully shut my eyes and hold them closed trying to block it out.