Bellarke | The 100 Fanfiction

Heart

Bellamy's P.O.V.

I watch Clarke in silence, leaned against her bedroom door. She's seated on the floor with her back turned towards me - running her fingers over the drawing she's made yet again.

I frown seeing there's something in her hand.

A knife.

She isn't grazing the drawing - she's destroying it.

"Clarke!" I rush in, "Clarke, what are you doing?"

She turns, her eyes wet, weeping in silent agony.

"What's wrong?" my eyes are wide open in panic as I try to get a grip of her bleeding hands. "You're bleeding, Clarke..."

She nods, sobbing. "There's blood on my hands, Bellamy. On both of ours."

My breathing normalizes as I realize what she's talking about - guilt. I take it she's had the same problem as I have ever since I came here - things we've done are haunting us. 

We sit there in silence as she cries and I can't help feeling bad myself. My arms drop to the floor as she turns her back to me once again.

I see her trembling and hear her sobs and it cuts through me like a knife. I want it to stop. And I don't care if she's ready to talk or not - I'll tell her what I know.

"Hey, princess," I tease.

She doesn't look back.

"I know how it feels," I say with a rough strained voice, "I felt the same way, but I've found a way to forgive myself."

She look at me at last, wiping her nose with the hem of her damaged shirt. "H-how?"

"Knowing my sister's alive because of what I've done. Knowing you're alive because of it."

She gazes at me with big innocent eyes, as if asking for more.

"If there was another way to have you alive and I had a chance to do it all over again... I'd do it in a different way," I admit. "But I didn't know better back then. And if keeping you alive was possible only by sacrificing everyone we have..." I shake my head, "I'd do it all over again. And that's...how I fall asleep, Princess."

She swallows hard, now the only tears in her eyes being old ones. "Are you saying we deserve forgiveness?"

"I don't know," a corner of my lips curls as I remember a moment of our past. "But you gave me forgiveness once when I needed to hear it from someone. Someone that mattered. And it meant everything to me, Clarke. Now I can only hope mine will mean the same to you."

She nods, new tears shedding over her blushed cheeks. Oh, shit - I made her cry again.

But she leans in and wraps her arms around me. "We did it together," she whispers. "We pulled that lever to open the doors in Mount Weather," she cries. "We killed the grounders on that bridge."

I hug her back, holding her in my arms strongly, as if now was all we had. "Everything you did is my fault just as much as it is yours. You don't have to bear it alone. We'll bear it together. And we will chase the ghosts away together."

"Thank you," she whispers into my neck.

I inhale deeply, running my hand down her back. "Thank you, Princess."

She leans away, frowning slightly. "For what?"

I stare at her bright green eyes, ones I'd started to imagine every time I was in danger - they were the reason I fought for my life so many time. "Being you."

She presses her lips, nodding. "Everything we did together... was for the good. It's when we were apart, making decisions on our own that we made the most destructive moves."

"Head and the heart, huh?"

She presses her lips. "You're my best friend, Bellamy."

I smile. "Bet if someone told you I'd be your best friend back at the arc, you'd tell them they're crazy."

She laughs through the tears, nodding. 

It finally gives me peace seeing her smile.

And it's in that moment, I realize... Murphy was right - I don't look at her only as a friend.

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End of ch 6

What do you think? Liking the fan-fiction? Ugh, I'm so angry they didn't end up together in the 100. Such injustice to their characters.