How You See Me...

Derek the Broken. Stiles the Distraction.

A wave of sadness rushes over me. It's been this way for at least a year now. She really did a number on me. 

I don't even know what the pack knows about this situation, but I do know they can feel my sadness. Kate, lured me into her den. A spider waiting to drain me dry. She whispered of love and support. She delivered pain. I let her meet my family. She knew them, she said she loved them. She was like family. She betrayed us. It stings me still. 

That lump is in my throat again and I can feel the tears threatening. 

Even after all this time, I still live with the pain. I do not know how to let it go. 

She killed my family, that pain never goes away.

Even after being hurt beyond repair I still put my heart out there. Jennifer, she manipulated me, used me. She too told me lies of loving me. 

My wolf is screaming. 

It's really hard when I start to think about all these things that hurt me. Even though there are no visible scars, I am still wounded. 

To me love is just a means to get what you want from someone. That someone being me.

 My face is wet. I touch my face with my hand wiping the tears away even though I wasn't aware I was crying.

Fuck, this happens every time I am left alone. 

I look at my watch it's around 2pm now, pack meeting is at 6pm and it's too late to go to work now. I needed something to get me out of this despair.

I'm sitting at the computer watching the cursor blink at me. I notice a wadded-up piece of paper. I unroll it and a slight smile hits my lips. Stiles email is written messily on the paper. I'm nervous now. What will he think? Why am I so worried? I know why. My poems are intense and personal, nothing I really intended on sharing. He is a distraction though, so I begin to sort through my poems trying to pick one not so intense.

I settle on one.

Hey Stiles,

I tried to find a poem that was less intense, but unfortunately all my poems are dark and intense. I am not even sure why I am sending you this, but you seemed interested. So, don't sugar coat it, let me know what you think.

"Black is all I see in front and behind me...

My mood changes like the colors of the sunset

Slowly everything turns to black

All the hope for the day has died

I put that smile on and try to break through

But there is always a snag in my smile

That hint of denial

I try to be good enough

I try to make you see but you can't

And it's killing me

I taste defeat in everything before it

Even begins

Hope is wearing thin

You throw me those words that make me stay

That makes my mind wonder beyond reality

That makes me sleep longer in the day just to see you in my dreams

Making you smile is all I want and it seems pointless now

 Because I am afraid, you'll never love me

I am afraid you will forever be stuck in the past

And I'll be lost forever

All I see is black...."

Thanks Derek Hale

I cringe at the email as I hit the send button.

Pretty sure I just probably scared him away, but I guess we will see.

Stiles POV

I'm clocking out from work and I hear my email ding. Practically falling over my own feet I fumble to check my phone. I read the sender, Derek Hale.

I silently celebrate as I make my way to my car.

I'm sitting in the driver seat, feeling nervous.

It's nothing, right, just an email.

I open it and begin to read. I reread it about three times.

First of all, who hurt you Derek? And secondly this is not what I expected. It wasn't a rhyme scheme about puppies or happy things it was dark and well I kind of liked it. I was so much more intrigued by Derek. I wanted to know his story, as well as hug that man super tight.