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62. Stay as far away from me as you can... it's better for both of us

I looked up and found him staring right back at me as I was confused and looking around as what the hell just happened but he figured it out quickly and was staring at me for who knows how long it has been. Maybe because my brain wasn't focusing from all the anger.

I don't know how much time it has gone by but the second I looked up and met his eyes I felt like I was in another world. Maybe a world full of beautiful water and ocean. Sparkly ocean. Like the most beautiful deep sparkly ocean you've ever locked eyes with.

I got lost in them and couldn't get out. I wanted to look away but I couldn't. Physically.

I could tell he was aware of him staring at my eyes but he didn't mind. He knew what he was doing and he wasn't regretting it. His eyes didn't look like they were stuck. They looked like it was their choice and they weren't regretting it nor wanting to do anything else.

My left hand was free and on his chest and the other was in his hand.

I finally took all I had and pulled away. But that didn't go as far because he pulled me right back as I was in the first place.

My breathing was not normal at this point like I was gasping for air.

He pulled me right back in, stared at my eyes then my lips and then he did something I did not expect.

I found my lips right onto his. God why were his lips so soft and warm.

I did not want to pull them away but I was too angry.

Even tho the water was cold his body warmth was all I needed at that point.

My hand grabbed his hoodie and was holding it into my fists so hard it prolly wrinkled up. My other hand was shaking but his hand on the wrist kept it stabled.

I couldn't pull away. Not the second I remembered how I regretted not doing this exact same thing in my room so he left.

It took all in me to gain the confidence to kiss him back... that was the first time I've kissed anyone. Even tho he kissed me the other time but I didn't kiss back. So the second he felt my lips move and he felt me kissing him back he backed up in shock.

His face was- I could read it the whole day.

He was shocked because I actually kissed him back. The amount of times I pushed him away as he pinned me to the wall while flirting, pulled me to him with my wrists, got so close to the point he got my breath away from his flirting... but each time I would either push him away or someone would interrupt him.

He would always do this for fun but by the fact that I had the confidence to kiss him back was everything to him and me because I would always get nervous or be scared of my brother or others finding out so by the fact that I kissed him back and seemed like I didn't care about other finding out was just—ABDIEMSUSNS

as he got that shock I didn't want to tell him but I had to. He had no idea why I did that.

I took a deep breath as I thought about how to say it but then just didn't want to think about it.

I needed to tell him. He needs to do it for me.

He can't be like that with me. I mean ofc he can love me as a best friend but not with the feelings. He needs to find someone who he won't get in trouble for just kissing them. He needs to find someone who he can actually have or do these things with without getting in trouble.

When he pulled away I was gonna say it but then the look in his eyes was just everything. It was like he could finally kiss me in peace since now I was okay with it.

After that look he has never pushed me against a wall harder.. I mean that was a lie. That one time when he pulled me into a dark classroom and pushed me against the wall as he pinned me against it as well because he was mad at me.

But that doesn't matter right now.

Before he did anything else after that he crashed his lips against mine yet once again but harder and that didn't stop me from kissing him back which drove him crazy and when he pushed me against the wall as well his right hand behind my back pulling me against his body as he held my wrists with his left one.

When my back hit the wall and like 5 seconds went by his hand moved to my back then seconds later to the wall again then my back again and never left my back again. (I now that was really confusing)

That kissing turned wild but I guess I was still good at it since he got turned on every second of it. And not gonna lie I did too.

His other hand was holding my left wrists but he removed it to place it on my cheek and his other hand was still around my back pulling me as close to him as he could.

I never wanted this moment to end. Ever. Like this was everything I wanted. Literally everything. If I had a deal with the devil and even if his deal was like: after this you're gonna die but you'll still die in this moment or stop right now and you won't die. I would be gladly agreeing to die because this felt like amazing. Me wrapped up in his arms was everything I ever wanting. While kissing him was just the cherry on top of the best ice cream in the entire world.

I moved my hands to his hair and took my fingers thru his hair. I knew that was gonna drive him crazy and it did.

It was like  3 minutes had gone by and neither of us looked like we wanted it to end but I still did end it.

He took the last seconds and the most extra seconds he could get as possible just to stay in that moment but it still ended. My heaven was gone. I had no reason to live anymore. If I can't be with him then I would rather die.

He looked the happiest I've ever seen him be.

How am I gonna break his heart after this.

You know what I just have to get it out. Don't even think about it Wavily just say it. JUST SAY IT.

"Can I ask you to do something for me" I asked him in whisper as we didn't break the eye contact.

He didn't respond but I could tell he wanted me to continue.

"Just don't question it or anything. you're going to understand it later that it's good for both of us. It's better that way. after tonight.. please stay as far away as you can from me"

I didn't want to look into his eyes so I just took his hand that was around my back and removed it. I took my wrists out of his hand and tried my best not to look into his eyes. I could already tell he was very very very confused.

I could already tell he didn't even know he heard that correctly or even if the voice was real either.

I didn't look into his eyes and got out of the pool then left. I left him all confused but I'm pretty sure he's gonna realize it and that it's better for both of us. He's gonna get it.
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