Henry Stickmin Incorrect Quotes

Two With No Clever Title

Mugger: Don't move or I'll shoot!
Burt: Bold of you to assume I want to live.
Sven: Burt, no.
Burt: Burt, yes.

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Dave: My life is a joke.
Burt: That's not true.
Dave: Really?
Burt: Of course.
Dave: Aww, than-
Burt: Jokes have meanings.
Dave: ....

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Burt: When does a joke become a dad joke?
Dave: Oh, when it becomes appa-
Burt: When it leaves and never comes back.
Dave ...

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Burt: Our love is like God.
Dave: Eternal and unchanging?
Burt: Non-existent, but people still believe in it because they feel the need to have some paranormal force to blame for all their problems.
Dave: Why are you like this?

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Sven: Twinkle, twinkle, little star...
Burt: Please run me over with your car.
Sven: No.

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Sven: How much coffee do you drink a day, Burt?
Burt: Yes.

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Dave: Did you sleep at all last night?
Burt: I got a solid twenty minutes.

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Burt: I just slept for fifteen hours, but I'm still tired, so I'll go sleep for fifteen more.
Sven: That's called a coma.
Burt: Sounds festive.

(Burt changes between not sleeping at all and sleeping too much, and there is no in between.)

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Charles: Thanks for taking me out to dinner, Henry! But wasn't the bill a little expensive?
Henry: *Slips Reginald's wallet into his pocket* Ehh, it's not a big deal.

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Henry: Charles, you can't solve all your problems by crashing a helicopter into them!
Charles: You'd be surprised how well hitting helicopters works.