Sven: If you play this harmonica, you'll get ten million dollars. But ten million people will die. Will you-
Burt: *Plays harmonica*
Sven: *Laughing* Burt, NO.
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Sven: I'm a chill kind of guy. Not much gets to me, ya know?
Burt: *Not looking up* Hot chocolate is just warm chocolate milk.
Sven: *Flips table* You are a disgrace to humanity!
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Burt: I like life like I like my coffee.
Sven: Refreshing and energizing?
Burt: Fun and exciting at first, then after you hit the hundreds digits it becomes less like a pick me up and more like a necessity that you hate but have to have otherwise you can't function properly.
Sven: ...
Burt: Then when you hit the thousands you're just completely regretting ever having started it in the first place.
Burt: But you keep coming back because the pain of the familiar feels less scary than the uncertainty of the unknown.
Burt: Don't get me started on the tens of thousands.
Burt: I would probably literally drop dead if I stopped.
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Sven: How many cups of coffee have you drinken, Burt?
Burt: Well, the average person drinks 3 cups a day.
Sven: Okay...
Burt: Multiply that my 365. You get 1045 cups a year.
Sven: Okay...
Burt: I first discovered coffee 15 years ago. That's 16,425 cups of coffee.
Sven: That's an alarming amount.
Burt: Oh, no, I drink way more than the average person.
Sven: So... how many?
Burt: Numbers cannot describe the amount of caffeine in my body.
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Dave: What's more painful than heartbreak?
Burt: When you're listening to quiet music and you turn up the volume, then a loud ad comes on.
Burt: My ears are still ringing.
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Charles: I need help. What's the best way to flirt with someone?
Burt: "I hate you less than I do the rest of humanity".
Charles: ...
Burt: "Roses are red, violets are blue, I hate my life, but I don't hate you."
Charles: ...
Burt: "The average person on a scale of one to ten is a negative three. You're at least one half."
Charles: ...
Burt: "I'm broke and drowning in student loan debt, but I can get us some fast food and we can go out or something."
Charles: That's actually pretty good.
Burt: *Sips coffee* Worked for me.
Burt: Twice.
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Henry: Being an adult isn't just about paying taxes and working all day.
Henry: It's also having to eat the heel of the loaf of bread because you paid for it and your husband won't let you throw it away and make a sandwich with a new loaf.
Henry: *Eats sandwich sadly*
Henry: Now I know why bread is called pain in French.
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(At a wedding)
Reginald: I do.
Audience: Aww!
Reginald: Or do I?
Audience: *Loud gasp*
RHM: *Elbows Reginald* He does.
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Henry: I don't like singing. I never do it.
Ellie: Oh, so you just have a choir in the shower with you?
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Sven: It's day one of quarantine. Things are pretty normal, ya know, not much has changed. Like, who even needs other people anyway, not me.
Sven: It's day seven of quarantine. Burt just ran out of coffee and hasn't stopped crying since.
Sven: It's day fifteen of quarantine. We had to FaceTime to talk to dad and pappa and I'm sad now.
Sven: Day twenty-eight of quarantine. We found an old game of Monopoly in the closet and now Dave and Burt aren't speaking.
Sven: Day thirty-four of quarantine. Burt is still going through coffee withdrawal, but he found a game called Animal Crossing and hasn't stopped playing.
Sven: Day forty. I am now addicted to Animal Crossing as well. This is not okay. Send help.
Sven: Day fifty. I will own all the bells in the world.
Sven: Day sixty-nine. Is it possible to watch every movie on Netflix without stopping? Burt is trying.
Sven: Day ???. Do you remember what people look like? Me either...
Sven: Quarantine is officially over. I forgot how much I hate people. Can I go back, please?
YOU ARE READING
Henry Stickmin Incorrect Quotes
FanfictionJust a bunch of incorrect quotes that I've found everywhere... I have too many of these. Most of these are not mine, but I can't remember which ones I found and which ones I made up. Have fun with this anyway!
