tuggoffelees oneshots

ninety nine: number neighbour

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aight so a number neighbour is your phone number, but the last number is either lower or higher, or both (eg. for a number thats like. 555 555 5555, your neighbours would be 555 555 5554 and 555 555 5556)

ohhh god i havent done this in forever okay highschool human au because i dont wanna write weird cat people with cell phones, fuckin s u e me

tuggie man pov

staring blankly at the ceiling, i wonder what on earth to do. it's saturday, and my parents and my brothers are at some shopping place and i didn't want to go with them. so i'm home alone and bored.

let's text some random people.

'cause that's safe.

i reach to the side and grab my phone.

i open my messages app, and type in the first 8 numbers of my own phone number, and then make the last one a 6, one below mine.

i send a text saying "hi i'm your number neighbour"

i hesitate before i send it. what if they're a murderer.

oh who am i kidding, we all wanna die anyway.

i hit send.

i copy the message and send it to the number above mine.

a few minutes go by, and then i finally get a reply. it's from the higher number.

"who is this" they say.

"i'm your number neighbour, which means your number is one digit above mine"

"how did you get this number"

"i just told you. it's one digit above mine"

"don't text this number again whore"

i smile cockily and text back "or what 😏"

"you're disgusting. eat rocks"

"like a bird?"

"sure. whatever gets you to fuck off"

"k."

and then i think they blocked me.

so.

now i just have to wait for the lower number to respond.

•••

my phone dings, and i look at the notification. it's from exactly the person i was waiting for. conveniently.

(if god exists, please tell him to make me take my writing seriously for ONCE)

"i will wear your skin as a bodysuit and brush my teeth with your eyebrow hair. what do you want"

well THAT was different

"sounds hot. when and where" i bet the fucker wasn't expecting that as an answer.

"oh that's fuckin wild you're just as deranged as i am"

i smile slightly.
"you sound cute, what's your name and pronouns?"

"what do you mean, i Sound cute??"

"i just think you're being cute right now idk??"

"oh okay yeah that's fair. mistoffelees, he/him"

"what"

"what what?"

"what's a mistoffelees"

"my name dumbass"

"OH okay. mines tugger, he/him as well"

"cool. where do you live"

"since the first thing you said to me was "i will wear your skin as a bodysuit" i think i'll pass on that question"

"that's fair. i'm from brooklyn"

"oh hey same!"

"didnt you just say you weren't going to tell me where you lived"

"fuck"

"oh well. it's not like i'm gonna kill you now"

my heart skips a beat.
"now????????"

"yea you're entertaining."

that is NOT the kind of thing you say to a stranger. what type of person am i talking to??

"what does that even mean"

"it means that you are entertaining, so i won't kill you"

i roll my eyes
"that's the worst explanation of a text i've ever heard"

"take it or leave it"

"you know what? i'm strangely okay with that"

"why?"

"not sure, i just kind of am"

he types for a worryingly long time. but i guess he deleted it all because all he replied was:
"interesting."

"why did you type for so long"

"i was going to ask you to meet up but i couldn't figure out how to ask in a not-creepy way"

"well. i may or may not be going to that one cafe on the intersection of grand street and union ave on saturday. and i may or may not be going alone, which would be a perfect opportunity to get me alone and wear my skin"

"you are so weird. what time"

thanks i hate it