Robbie & Jamie

Twelve - I'm Sorry

Neither Robbie nor Jamie slept well that night. It had been the first time in years that they had spent the night apart. Robbie tossed and turned and sobbed into her pillow as an overwhelming feeling of guilt and panic flowed through her body. At one point, Rose and Joseph heard Robbie's struggles for breath, checked up on her, and helped her through a rather heavy panic attack; something Robbie hadn't experienced in years. Meanwhile, Jamie was alone on the sofa in her flat, the feeling of loneliness crushing her. More than once she brought up Facebook and did some digging, browsed to the kitchen cupboard in search of alcohol, sobbed her heart out, and tried to keep her hands busy with puzzle books she'd kept for years and never finished.

Robbie had about four hours of light sleep, and had set her alarm for eight o'clock the next morning. Jamie collapsed on her sofa, crying herself to sleep just moments after Robbie nodded off.

The young butch struggled to get up, but the thought of seeing Jamie motivated her, even if the meeting wasn't one of joy. All during her morning cup of tea and slice of toast (made by Rose), Robbie had formulated a script in her mind of what she wished to say, and went through it several times. After attempting to enjoy her breakfast (the tea tasted bitter and the toast felt like sandpaper), Robbie headed to the train station, Joseph offering to drive her there. She wondered if it was too early and if Jamie would still be asleep, but she didn't want to wait any longer. She had to talk and share her side of the story, and most importantly apologise. The thought of losing Jamie after all they'd been through and shared was just too much to comprehend.

The journey on the train was like a throwback; Robbie could remember all the times she'd travelled to work the past few years, how excited she'd been to see Jamie at the garden centre. The day that Robbie boarded the train with a suitcase and a one way ticket had been truly special. But now, those happy feelings were trickling away, and Robbie felt responsible. Robbie knew she needed to apologise and make things up to Jamie properly. Nothing half-hearted or small. Jamie deserved the world, and Robbie was going to do everything she could to make things better.

The hour on the train seemed to last an eternity, and Robbie was the first passanger on the platform and out of the station. Despite having her own key, Robbie knocked when she reached the flat. Less then ten seconds passed before it was opened from the inside.

"Hey."

"Hi."

Jamie looked like she had just woken up. She was still wearing the same clothes from the previous day and her hair was stuck up on one end.

"Come in, the kettle's boiling."

Silently, Robbie entered the flat, closing the door behind her whilst Jamie went to the kitchen. No hug. No kiss. Nothing. It was devastating for Robbie to be in the same room as Jamie and not be able to tease her or attempt to sneak affection. No matter how hard she tried to think back, Robbie couldn't remember the last time she had gone so long without a hug from her significant other. Neither of them could remember the last time they had argued, or if they had ever truly argued at all. Sure there had been bumps in their relationship road, but they had easily been resolved.

With trembling fingers, Jamie carried the cups of tea to the living room. Robbie only sat down when Jamie motioned to the sofa. An awkward silence hung heavy in the air before Robbie finally spoke, her word slicing through the tough tension.

"Can I apologise?"

"I think that's my job," Jamie replied after a moment of pause. She sighed. "I got angry yesterday and didn't give you chance to explain yourself. I'm hurt, of course, but I know I could have approached the situation a bit better."

"You have nothing to apologise for," Robbie reached to grab Jamie's hand. "I made the mistake and kept that secret from you. I know should have told you straight away that I got that message from your brother."