Robbie & Jamie

Fourteen - Oh, Brother

(A/N) This chapter briefly mentions sexual relations, homophobia and self harm.

Robbie and Jamie didn't often stay up late talking. Usually, they were doing all sorts and using so much energy during the day, that by the time 10pm rolled around they were much too tired to string a few coherent words together, let alone sentences.

But on the night Jamie struggled to sleep, they were curled up together in bed, the covers pulled to their chins, their fingers intertwined underneath the blankets, and they shared stories. Small things from their past which didn't always come to mind, but helped the other gain further insight to the woman they were going to marry.

Robbie spoke about the cat she used to feed when it came to her back door; her love for fluffy socks; children's TV shows she adored growing up; and the reason why she happily spent an hour on the train to get to work and secondary school instead of picking somewhere local - because she was fed up and needed a fresh start.

Then it was Jamie's turn, and she told Robbie about the time she fell off her bike and announced she'd never ride again, only to win first place in a bike race a year later; her preference of blue inked pens; how her Grandma had three extra teddies in a cupboard in case Jamie's favourite teddy went missing; and talked of her unusual obsession with coloured rocks and how she collected them as a child. Robbie asked further about this, but Jamie's face turned red with embarrassment from the teasing.

It was just little things, but to Robbie and Jamie it meant so much more. Each new bit of information was a new discovery, a reason to love their fiancée even more than they realised was possible.

They reminisced about their relationship too, about its growth, as well as their own as individuals; and things they'd learned about each other.

How it was a Religious Education lesson which made Robbie question her sexuality, and how well she'd grown to accept herself. How Robbie's first kiss was when she was fifteen: a boy had slipped her a note to meet him behind the gym, her friends had encouraged her to go, and when he kissed herx he shoved his tongue down her throat so quickly Robbie gagged. Robbie laughed about it now, and spoke of how the attention from this boy and her friends made her feel giddy, but the underlying nerves and uncomfortable feelings shook her up. How things just hadn't felt right.

Together, both girls laughed about their "peaches" inside joke and its origin – Jamie had been complaining about two customers in the café, had sworn, and Robbie misheard her as saying, "they were absolutely peaches."

The girls recalled how their "first time" had been with each other, but it had taken them three attempts to get there. It had been Robbie who cautiously brought up the topic first, wanting to ask about Jamie's thoughts on the subject instead of spontaneously taking her to bed and risking awkwardness if Jamie hadn't felt ready. However, Jamie agreed that they could, and wondered if they needed to discuss things beforehand, however awkward the conversation may be.

The first attempt, both girls had drunk a little too much cider to calm their nerves, which lead to Robbie struggling to unzip Jamie's fleece, and they'd ended up spending fifteen minutes laughing before realising the mood was gone, and the moment was lost. They watched films until they fell asleep.

The second attempt, after they'd slowly and sensually undressed each other, they'd been caught up gazing at each other, tracing their partner's skin, exploring each other outwardly that nothing of the sexual kind had ended up taking place. Deep down, both girls had no idea what they were doing, and worried that they wouldn't be able to make the experience perfect or memorable.

But their third attempt was successful, and nothing short of wonderful. Both of them being girls meant that they had an advantage against the unknown. Despite the awkwardness of a conversation to find out what each other would enjoy, they could physically experiment in confidence. Personally, both girls already knew what they would like to try, and what they wouldn't, so it was easy to kiss and trace and touch their partner to see if they enjoyed it too. Sex wasn't about the end destination, but about the journey. The beauty of discovering each other, pleasuring their partners, making them feel good, finding what worked.