After -Drarry COMPLETE

Chapter 41

—Harry POV—

Just... don't push us away anymore, Harry."

And with that, she disappeared.

I turned around, putting my hands on the dresser and leaning into it, thinking. Really, Hermione you couldn't have waited to bring this up? I was Ignoring it for a reason.

I was short of breath. I walked to the bed, to lay down and relax. To try to catch my breath. Push, push. Push the thoughts away. Don't think about it. Not yet... I broke her. I hurt everyone. I did all the wrong things. I curled up, hugging the pillow next to me like it was a small child, except I was gripping it tightly, as tightly as I could.

"Everything was so sudden."

"You stop talking to us. You left without a goodbye."

"A decade later, I hear that you ran into Malfoy at the market."

"Did she just leave?" I heard Draco say in the background, but I didn't answer.

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah. I'm fine."

"Your tone suggests otherwise... was it what she was talking about?"

"I'm fine. Please just-" I took a deep breath in. I felt like I was choking silently. Like an invisible foam was filling my mouth, throat, and chest, clogging my windpipes.

I got up from the bed, leaning over the dresser again, trying to catch my breath. My heartrate increased, pulsing through my neck, my ears, every inch of my body.

"How are we supposed to protect you from yourself? Just stop pushing us away."

I swallowed. Stay grounded. I couldn't really feel much anymore. Everything was blurry and confusing. Time had sped up and slowed down against my will, leaving me feeling lost and panicked.

I don't know when Draco ended up by my side. Or when he hugged me, urging me to pay attention to his deep, slow, breathing and his calm heartbeat. I still don't know how he does that; stays calm.

I don't remember when I started crying uncontrollably. I don't know when I decided to hug him as if letting go would make me die.

I don't remember when he decided to whisper calming words of reassurance, or when I told him everything Hermione said, and how badly I had wanted to avoid all of it.

I don't remember when Scorpius came in, asking what was wrong, and why breakfast had gone cold. Why I was crying into his dads shoulder and why his dad didn't wake him up if it was time to eat.

I don't remember getting the phone call later that night from Ginny, telling me she's pregnant.

I don't remember her saying that it was rape, that it was her fault for being out late at night, that she should have brought her wand. That she should have fought harder. Hysterical, telling me she doesn't know what to do. That she's never been so terrified. I'd heard her cry for the first time ever that night, over the phone. I don't know why, but I wanted nothing but the ability to comfort her at that moment.

I don't remember hurting myself that night. Telling myself it was my fault. Telling Draco she would have been safe if I hadn't scared her away. Draco telling me he'd never shave again if it meant I couldn't take his razor. I don't know why I told him it was his razor, when it was really the old blade from Ron and Hermione's house.

And I don't know how, a few days later, Draco, Scorpius, and I, ended up back in England, for yet another somber occasion.

I don't know how I ended up at the Burrow. I don't know how every single living Weasley found out that Ginny and I are no longer, and that Draco Malfoy is a good guy. How I left Ginny for him, then tried to end my life. I don't remember her explanation for not telling us on the night she was raped, but instead two weeks later.

I clearly remember how it happened, not why I did it, But I told Ginny I would help her with the baby. I felt responsible. I remember Draco's look of surprise. I don't often see many emotions on Draco's face. I don't think he would ever say it, but he didn't like the idea. I remember Hermione's look of disappointment. I remember Molly with an expression of sorrowful gratitude. Ron held a stoic expression. He never does that, stays still. The only time I saw him expressionless like that was during the immediate aftermath of the war. I remember Ginny's look of disbelief. After all, she practically had to raise Teddy alone. Why would she suddenly get help now? I remember clearly how she flinched away when I tried to give her a hug goodbye. She didn't let anybody touch her.

Somehow, everything just has it's way of changing so quickly.