After -Drarry COMPLETE

Chapter 58

—Draco POV—

"What are we? Humans? Or animals? Or savages? What's grownups going to think? Going off - hunting pigs - letting fires out - and now!"

I sighed, continuing to re-read my novel, before Harry got up from his side of the couch, walked over to me, and, without a word, weaved his way between my chest and the book in my hands, resting his knees on the couch, on either side of my lap, and resting his head on my chest, letting his arms fall where they may. I looked at him, then at Scorpius, sitting on the armchair beside the couch, animatedly watching a cartoon playing on the Muggle Television.

"Um. I'm reading." I said with an inquisitive face.

"Just keep reading." He mumbled. Then again. "Haven't you read that before?"

"Yes." I said, trying to continue my page.

"Don't. We'll get you new books." He mumbled, still laying slack on top of me.

"Well I still need something to read."

He hummed a response, not moving, and I returned to my book.

A shadow fronted him tempestuously.
"You shut up, you fat slug!"
There was a moment's struggle and the glimmering conch jigged up and down. Ralph leapt to his feet.
"Jack, Jack!"

I tore my eyes from the page, resting the book down on Harry's back.

"Are you sure you're alright?" I asked him.

"That's just about the thousandth time you ask me that today." He groaned.

"Drama queen." I rolled my eyes.

"What do you mean? you've been asking me that all day."

"Well you can't blame me! You-" I paused, eyeing Scorpius, who was sitting, tracing shapes onto the arm of the chair. He may be good at hiding it, but I know he's listening to us.

"Let's go upstairs." I told Harry.

"I have to get up?" He groaned.

"Yes." I said, sprawling my arms out so he could do so.

When I felt his weight removed from me I moved to get up from the couch.

"Scorpius, you stay watching TV. Harry and I will be right back."

Soon enough, Harry and I were in the bedroom, with the door closed, and the light on.

"You do realize that you've never had a panic attack quite like yesterday night. At least not one that I've ever seen. So imagine my surprise when I'm chasing you halfway out of the house at one in the morning, in freezing weather wearing nothing but pajamas." I explained with a huff, before continuing.

"You've never done that before. And when I went to comfort you, you screamed at me to get away, like I was... a threat, or something. I didn't know what to do." I looked at him in the eyes. Then I finished:

"You can't pull a stunt like that and not expect me to be at least a little bit worried."

He kind of looked around, like he was avoiding my eyes. It was a bit frustrating.

"I just- it's fine. Really. I-"

"Harry-"

"Well it wasn't just a panic attack. I- I don't know how to explain it." He huffed.

"Try... what was going through your brain?" I pressed gently.

"I was. There. In that, stupid, blasted bloody cu-" he paused, seemingly deep in thought.

I nodded, to show I was following.

"I was in the dream... after I woke up, it felt like I was still there. It was crushing me. I- I couldn't. I don't ever want to be there again." I could tell he was struggling to speak.

"I'm never going to let you end up there again... you're quite literally a whole country away from all of that. And even if you were there, I wouldn't let them lay a hand on you... again." My expression darkened, remembering my too-slow reaction two days ago, on Christmas.

"I- I know it- I just-" he exhaled.

"It felt... different. I couldn't understand that I was awake. I knew I was. I just... I was..." he looked me in the eyes with an expression of pain, shaking his head.

"I felt like I needed to escape."

I nodded dimly, moving forward to encase him in a hug, and we swayed side to side for a while.

"I understand... actually, a lot of what you've been feeling. I- know what it's like..." Both of us tightened the hug, and at that moment I don't think we really needed any words. I thought about what I'd just admitted. And as much as I wanted to think no one would have ever known how I felt, Harry really would have been the only one ever close to understanding. He was the only one who ever saw me that weak... until I'd married Astoria. I remember the first time she saw me cry, I thought of Harry. I thought about that night, and how I ended up in the hospital, because we were both stupid and defensive, and I couldn't come to terms with the idea that anyone saw me less than perfect.

Right now, though, it was just us, and a silent knowledge that everything has changed since back then, and that we're working through it together.

I love you, Harry.

"Harry?" He nodded.

"I care about you... a lot. I... trust you, and, I don't hate you, like I may have back then... You're strong, but I'm still going to stay by your side... just because you can handle it, doesn't mean you should handle it alone." I whispered, closing my eyes tightly. After a moment of silence, he replied.

"I care about you a lot too, Draco."

————

I woke with a jolt, eyes snapping open. It was only a nightmare. I told myself, focusing on my heart rate.

"Draco? Are you okay?" I heard Harry mumble sleepily.

"Yeah. Just go back to sleep." I responded, running a hand through his hair.

"I felt your heart skip a few beats."

"You're supposed to be asleep, not feeling my heart. It's okay, I promise."

"Okay." He mumbled. It was a quiet few minutes, and I felt myself dozing off already. Eyes heavy, when the sound of Harry's voice brought me back.

"Draco."

"Yeah?" I mumbled, really just wanting to go back to sleep.

"What was it like? Being a death eater, I mean."