My Life Thoughts of Madness and Well Boredom

False Advertising Occult Shit

We all hate false advertising regardless of our gender, nationality or economic background. When the packaging promises greatness and we receive crap. That shit.is.not.cool!

Anyway since I'm the epitome of weirdness I hate when my occult stuff doesn't deliver what it promises. I just hate when it promises something like "100% guarantee of summoning some paranormal shit!" and I get nothing but nightmares. Like what the fuck?!

What happened to the good old days when it was a sure thing to get caught up in some supernatural shenanigans by just buying some things from your local occult store run by the minions of Hell? Like did the demand died out or is the New CEO of Hell industries incompetent or what?

Anyway every month I need to actually scavenge for an occult store, can you believe it? I remember when occult stores popped up everywhere, in front of the mall, Wal-Mart, your school and even your house but now you have to look for it. So through great difficulty I find that demonic store and buy stuff hoping to spice my life up with some good old fashion poltergeist shenanigans. So I hate it when I buy faulty products that don't summon shit, except for rats since they're mostly organic crap.

Example:

I'm twelve and in middle school. I have few friends and I want to summon a good old fashion friend spawned from the depths of Hell. So I get lost until I find it, an obscure store that sells weird demonic  shit. So I go inside, the cashier being a young pale man with red eyes and a sadistic smile, Satan(?). I go inside scavenging through demon blood, Angel feathers, orbs filled with humans souls etc until I find it. A black suspicious looking book with a pentagram as a cover.

Excitedly I go home and follow the instructions. I followed them to the letter. I turned off the lights of my room, I drew a circle with salt followed by a pentagram, then I placed a candle on each arm of the star and light them up. Then I placed a mirror in front of me and I read the Hebrew  verses inscribed in the book made of leather, possibly human skin, followed by me cutting my palm and dropping thirteen drops of blood inside the star.

So you know what I got for my hard work?  Absolutely nothing, no magical demon friend or anything. So I was ripped off, I sold 12 percent of my soul for nothing.

So I was mad I said fuck it and created my Dinosaur friend that resides in my subconscious. At least that's what HE told me since I don't remember.

Anyways I tried to go back to that store to get a refund but those shitty stores always disappear and appear some where else. Like I went to that place and I was greeted by an empty lot. So I asked people if they saw a suspicious store ran by the devil's spawn and received nothing, no one remember seeing that shitty store.

Vote if you hate false advertisements in your paranormal shit. Or anything else for that matter. Also vote if you miss the good old paranormal days.

Peace my readers
Alipi out